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This armored Mercedes S-Class is a despotic dictator’s car of choice

Find yourself in the middle of a peasant uprising? Well, fear no more members of the one percent because your car is here! It’s the Transeco armored edition of the Mercedes S500L.

Armor is nothing new to Mercedes’ list of safety features. Mercedes and aftermarket suppliers have been offering fully armored versions of the Benz since Pol Pot was rolling around in his 600 Grosser.

Even so, this new armored S-Class stands out. The passengers are ensconced in an armored cage that protects them from small arms and some explosives. Even the floor is armored for, you know, when the movie baddies throw a couple of DM51 grenades under your car.

The fun features don’t stop there; you can get an optional reinforced bumper, which is perfect for pushing cars or anarchists out of your way. You can get an armored box in the trunk to protect the battery and any special equipment you might have. The bad guys in Ronin should have invested in this option for their mystery case.

All this armor protection adds weight – and a lot of it. A standard S500L weighs in at a hefty 4800 pounds. After the paranoid engineers of Transeco are done bolting on armor, the car is groaning under the weight of an additional 3000 pounds.

Unsurprisingly a 7,800-pound car needs a few upgrades here and there to, you know, function. The doors have been fitted with heavy-duty hinges and a self-closing feature. That way dictators and shady tycoons don’t get a hernia trying to seal themselves off from the public.

The suspension has also been reinforced to keep it from collapsing. Given the staggering weight, Transeco probably had to resort to liberal use of unobtanium.  This same over-engineering has also made its way to the wheels and tires, which have been built to withstand the added weight, and to keep rolling when chock full of bullets.

The car keeps its standard 449-horsepower V8, which is plenty, but don’t expect it to be winning any races. Off the line little, old ladies in rascal scooters might be giving you a run for your money.

Even so, there is any number of deceased heads of state who would have been happy to trade in a little performance for bullet-proof doors and windows.

As for price, Transeco is the kind company that doesn’t come out and directly quote you a figure. But I can only imagine that we are talking twice the $100-grand price for a normal S500L.

Still, any amount of money is a small price to pay when you’re attacked by all those people whose pensions you ‘lost’.