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Electric shocks, Kevlar, and retinal scanners? Dartz’s Black Shark SUV is built for spies

I get the feeling that the product designers over at Dartz aren’t told ‘no’ very often.

An SUV covered in gold? Please do. Ruby encrusted gauges? Easily approved. A 155-mph, 2000-horsepower armored yacht tower? Dear god yes.

The Latvian manufacturer has created yet another example of concentrated Soviet chutzpah, one that the company calls the “first real SpyKar.”

Designated the Prombron Black Shark, the Kevlar-coated titanium SUV was devised to celebrate the 100th anniversary of Dartz’s militaristic ancestors, the Russian Motorized Infantry.

To honor its battle-hardened past, Dartz has equipped the Black Shark with an array of superspy-worthy gadgets. The most notable is the “anti-paparazzi shock device” fitted to the disappearing door handles, but there’s also a retinal scanner, a rotating bulletproof grill, and a BlackJet system that allows drivers to book private international flights with just two clicks of a button.

It doesn’t get any more “SpyKar” than that.

Moreover, the Mercedes GL 63-based Black Shark can be armed with one of two AMG engines, a biturbo V8 or a biturbo V12. With the larger engine, Dartz offers a maximum output of 1500 hp.

Related: The Dartz Kombat Gold is 24 karats and 6,600 pounds of pure, unadulterated hubris

If the Black Shark doesn’t make it into the upcoming Bond 24 movie, something is wrong with the world.

Imagine Daniel Craig roaring around the streets of an ominous Slavic village, his sleek Aston Martin howling in the wind like a crazed wolf. Behind him, an enormous, tank-like brute thrashes through cobblestone byways, its cacophonous engine punctuated by the sporadic gunfire of a thousand unnamed baddies.

I don’t know about you, but I’d pay to see it. Dartz will fully detail the Black Shark on October 19th.