Desperately need a girlfriend? Buy a ‘cloud girlfriend’ instead

For the lazier geek, a new startup is offering to create an ideal girlfriend for anybody willing to pay. She'll chat with you on Facebook or Twitter, boosting your own chances at scoring a real girl.

For decades, geeks have somehow been able to score incredibly hot girlfriends in the movies. It’s a common thing. But now, thanks to the Internet, the illusion of social acceptance is just one low monthly fee away. Cloud Girlfriend is an upcoming service that aims to help you get a girlfriend by acting like you already have one. Don’t want a real girlfriend? Well you can always chat with the imaginary girlfriend you paid for.

The service isn’t running yet, but Co-Founder David Fuhriman defined the service on Quora: “It is a site that allows people to define what is their ideal girlfriend. Then they interact with her on a social network site. The girlfriend is operated by a real girl. It is not a sex chat or pornography service.”

Though it’s never a good sign when a tech startup is immediately accused of being a sex chat or pornography service, we have to say that a cloud girlfriend could help many climb the social ladder, if she’s done right. No one is going to believe that Kyle, the nerd from keyboarding class is dating a supermodel, but if he nabs a moderately attractive young woman on Facebook or Twitter, well, that may be believable, for a while. We are already pondering the many hilarious ways Kyle will try to bring his girlfriend to life once his friends start wondering why she’s never around. It’s the perfect plot for an 80s sitcom.

However, there are a lot of unanswered questions. How much will it cost? Is it a monthly charge? Can you come up with an online script for you and your girlfriend? How do you communicate? Will she act out a painful breakup? Will she upload pictures of you two together? Is there a premium plan that includes texting? What about phone calls? Can you get a girl to hang out with you at the mall?

Our biggest question may be the most enlightening for those of you who are considering this service: why would you pay for this when anybody can create a fake online girlfriend for free? It takes five minutes to set up a Facebook profile and a Google Image search. And if you do it yourself, only your imagination limits the shenanigans you might pull.