The kids are in bed, Bill’s out playing poker, and the night is young. Momma’s gonna watch some YouTube bloopers! Where’s that laptop …
Bill, what the hell did you do to my computer? You can’t ever leave well enough alone, can you? The faucet’s been leaking for months while the computer’s been humming right along, but which one do you “fix?” Maybe Alice was right about you …
Look at all those squares. This must be that new Windows thing Bill was talking about. Wow, it’s colorful. It doesn’t look anything like the computer. Where’s my Internet? I need my bloopers! Oh, there it is. The “E” is all white now, but it’s kinda the same. I get it. I’m hip.
This MSN thing is just like my Comcast home page. Is Bing like Google? Let’s try it. Y-O-U-T-U-B-E. That worked! YouTube’s right on the top. Let’s click that …
[Hours of YouTube-related fun ensue]
Wow, that last Golden Girls reel was a classic! I have to share this on Facebook. Wait, where are all the bookmarks? There isn’t anything here. How am I supposed to get to my sites? This is stupid. Can’t I just search on the Microsoft’s Google copy for Facebook? How do I get back to that? Where’s the name bar thing?
Seriously, this is getting frustrating. How do I close this thing? There’s no “X” in the corner. Let’s try escape, because that’s what I want to do … Nothing. This is stupid. Maybe if I move the mouse to the top …
Hm. It turned into a hand. That’s weird. Still no name bar though. Maybe if I click …
The hand closed. Now what? The screen gets small if I move the mouse around. That’s weird, too. I can yank it all over the screen! What if I drag it all the way to the bottom?
Hey! I’m back on the colorful squares! I guess that worked, but why they thought the “X” in the corner didn’t work just fine is beyond me.
These tiles are so weird. It’s almost like they’re for some other kind of computer, because they just don’t seem to work quite right on this one. I bet they’re trying to get me to buy one of their new-fangled machines. I don’t want a new-fangled machine! This one is as fangled as I can stand!
Wait a second … that square in the corner … it looks like a tiny version of my old computer, like it’s hiding on there. What if I click that …
I FOUND MY COMPUTER! THERE’S MY INTERNET! It has the name bar! There’s an “X” in the corner! OH, MY BOOKMARKS! Thank Francis! I might not have to divorce you yet, Bill. Now, to post that hilarious video on Facebook and look up my horoscope …
Well, that worked, but why did everything look so square? Actually, I don’t care. I just want Bill to fix my computer when he gets home and make it like before. And then I want him to fix the damned leaky faucet.
Now, how do I turn this off? I don’t see a Start button…
[This story is based on true events, as witnessed by Brad Chacos after he put his mother in front of a Windows 8 machine for the first time.]
If my mother wrote this, it would be in 18 point bolded font and be one long paragraph. I love my mother, but she would never have gotten this far.
Oh god.. Women Do NOT Need to have computers >.> They Just cannot handle it.
Just get them a tablet, Android or Apple, And then they are fine.
Did you say women need not have computers?? Tell you what, I’m one of the most skilled people at computers in my town, and I’m female. Please stop putting people in a box.
“One of the most skilled people at computers in my town” Town? And your telling me not to “Put people in a box, Or in other words To stop grouping people together.. Isn’t that what you just did..
Skilled at computers? Did you mean you have skill with computers? Your not helping yourself.
My mom would have called me in a tizzy after turning on the computer.
She called me last night and left a message saying she was embarrassed to admit it, but she’s still using IE and wants to know if there’s something else she should be using like “the fox one,” or the “Google one.” Love you, Mom!
If my Mother met Windows 8 she would be totally frikkin’ lost.
Given that I’ve used computers since I was knee high to a grasshopper, I don’t have ‘that’ much of a problem with 8, even though I don’t exactly like it, it’s still fairly easy to get to grips with in some cases (searching for stuff, pinning, customizing, etc) but not so in others (snapping, what the heck did they do with that! Changing the startup of items to load – in the Task Manager of ALL places)..yeah….my Mom would just lose all interest, or just get infuriated with it.