If metrics matter, here's a tool for taking your measure.
Taking a male-skewed view of sexual performance, British Condoms recently introduced its contribution to wearable technology, the i.Con smart condom. The product will initially be offered in the U.K. only. Customers in the U.S. and other nations will need to show restraint.
The “world’s first smart condom” isn’t actually a condom. It’s a girth-adjustable ring that will “sit over a condom at the base.” So let’s be polite and call it a penis ring. The company swears it’s comfortable, water resistant, and lightweight enough so you can use it over and over again. The little bugger doesn’t get in the way and you can use any actual condom you’d like with it.
British Condoms says, “you won’t even know it’s there, ensuring maximum pleasure and peace of mind.” Peace of mind, we suppose, unless you’re wondering what your numbers will be like, but that begs the question why you decided to keep track of your member’s numbers in the first place.
The ring holds a nanochip, sensors, a Bluetooth wireless transmitter, and a battery. The battery charges via a MicroUSB port. Charging takes about one hour and each charge is good for 6 to 8 hours of use. Ponder that for a moment or two.
According to British Condoms, the sensors “measure and remember a number of different variables during your sessions.” Assuming you’re OK with a wireless transmitter in your penis ring, after you’ve finished, it downloads the session data to whatever mobile device you’ve joined it with. At that point, just as you might expect, it erases the data till next time. Heartless, we know.
But what numbers does the i.Con track? As mentioned above, there’s nothing about Mr. Johnson’s length, but girth is indeed scored, or rather recorded. Other closely gathered metrics include calories burnt, thrust speed, number, and velocity, and average skin temperature as well as session frequency and total session duration. So perhaps in that last bit, there is some data that could matter to others or to one other.
Data on different positions is coming soon, the company promises, but that metric is still in beta testing.
In its FAQ-style release, British Condoms replied to a question about data privacy and if anonymous use is possible. “Absolutely! All data will be kept anonymous but users will have the option to share their recent data with friends, or, indeed the world. You will be able to anonymously access stats that you can compare with i.Con users worldwide.” So we all have that to look forward to should the data migrate to social media.
While no firm date has been set, British Condoms says the i.Con Smart Condom will be available in 2017. After an initial market entry in the U.K., the company says that due to widespread interest from retailers they expect the smart penis ring to be available in the U.S. and around the world.