Skip to main content

Shaq had the right idea: 5 more cash-grab apps we can’t wait to see from washed-up athletes

Shaq gameAthletes are, by default, also entrepreneurs. Why? Because they need a backup plan. You can only push your body to perform ridiculous feats for so long before it begins to break down. Lucky for most athletes, money is delivered in piles while they’re playing. But what do they do with all that money after playing with a ball all day? For far too many athletes, the answer to that question is, “Blow it on extravagant cars and houses, then file for bankruptcy,” which isn’t exactly a good answer.

Shaquille O’Neal and Dennis Rodman, however, have a different idea. Both of these basketball stars have found leading roles in their own iOS games. Rodman stuck to what he knows, starring in a free throw game and the upcoming Big Win Basketball title from Hothead Games. Shaq reprised his role from Shaq Fu with ShaqDown, acting as a martial arts master version of himself in which he’s bulging with muscles as opposed to the fat he’s acquired in his post-NBA life. This got us thinking: What other formerly relevant athletes could use a little profile boost from a mobile game?

Image used with permission by copyright holder

Brett Favre’s Quest to Lose Respect

If you look at Brett Favre’s career from his college years to 2007, it’s a story of triumph, redemption, and overcoming great struggles. He was an improbable star who came off the bench when the Packers starting quarterback, Dan Majkowski, got injured and never relinquished the role. He overcame an addiction to painkillers and led his team to a Super Bowl. His career ended on a low note with a playoff loss, but he went out a competitor. But it’s 2007-2010 that would be the focus of this never-ending runner style game.

Here’s the idea: Players start with his exit from Green Bay and trade to the New York Jets, where he struggled before retiring and returning again to the loathed Minnesota Viking. Then you collect things like arrant interceptions, inappropriate pictures sent to attractive women, and the crocodile tears that come with every retirement announcement as you try to help Favre distance himself as far as he possibly can from the positive legacy he could have had.

Image used with permission by copyright holder

Barry Bond’s Baseball RPG

Role-playing games are all about personal advancement. You better your character by performing certain tasks, gaining experience, collecting items that are beneficial to you, and upgrading yourself in every way possible. It’s the almost a perfect parallel to the career of a professional athlete. Moving up from the minors to the pros is like leveling up. Taking batting practice can help you acquire a new ability, just like a character in an RPG would learn a new skill. Interacting with players and coaches can improve your relationships and might reveal beneficial information.

Here’s the idea: All of the RPG elements above would be present in the Barry Bonds branded baseball RPG, except there would be in-app purchases for steroids and human growth hormone that will max out every stat of your character. It’ll also make your head huge, but that’s the price you pay for smacking every ball thrown at you out of the park.

Image used with permission by copyright holder

Latrell Sprewell’s Don’t Choke

More than almost any other major sport, basketball can be as much of a one-man game as it can be team oriented. Sure, there’s almost nothing better than watching a team perfectly execute a strategy that covers the squads’ weaknesses while effectively taking advantage of all its strengths. But if there’s one thing just as fun to see, it’s the one man show when a player absolutely goes off, hits every shot, and carries a team to victory.

Here’s the idea: In Latrell Sprewell’s game, it’s all about teamwork. You’ll play asynchronously as you’re tasked with working together with friends to accomplish a common goal – until one of them speaks up with a strategy. Then you get to choke them, knocking them out for a turn during which you get to do whatever you want. Why? Because you’re Latrell Sprewell and you put spinning rims on shoes, that’s why.

Wayne Gretzky’s Tower Defense featuring Paulina Gretzky

Here’s a little known fact about Wayne Gretzky: Though his scoring prowess is often touted, equally impressive is the number of assists the Great One accumulated over the course of his career. He set the NHL record for most assists to go along with his scoring, points, and hat trick records. The man did almost everything on the ice. The one task he never did tackle was goaltending. Unfortunately for Wayne, that’s pretty much exactly what he’ll be tasked with in his mobile game debut.

Here’s the idea: In this tower defense style game, the Great One will have to play some solid defense to keep the perverted gazes and grabby hands of the ever-eager Internet audience away from his daughter Paulina. She’s become a bit of an entity on Twitter and Instagram, getting lots of attention that has very little to do with her relation to Wayne Gretzky. Pick up the pads and keep the creeps of the world wide web from going five-hole.

Image used with permission by copyright holder

Find David Beckham’s Shirt

David Beckham is a worldwide phenomenon. His fame on the soccer field is equally matched by his fame off of it. It could be his high profile stature as a star of the world’s favorite sport, or his marriage to one of the Spice Girls, or the fact that he’s a rather attractive gentleman in his own right. No matter how you look at it, any guy who gets a movie named after him and isn’t even in the movie is clearly well known. But where is David Beckham’s shirt? The man can often be found with absolutely no cloth on his upper body.

Here’s the idea: How does Beckham keep losing his shirt? That’s up to you to discover in this mystery game in the style of Where’s Waldo? See if you can spot Beckham’s jersey across various levels. The final levels are extremely tough and will require you to find Beckham’s old Manchester United kit in a stadium full of rabid Man U fans. The first levels though, just require you to find it in a totally empty LA Galaxy arena.

AJ Dellinger
AJ Dellinger is a freelance reporter from Madison, Wisconsin with an affinity for all things tech. He has been published by…
PlayStation Plus’ most notable free April offerings come from Microsoft
Four players stand together in the 4v4 PvP mode of Minecraft Legends.

Sony outlined all the new offerings PlayStation Plus Essential subscribers can expect in April; surprisingly, Microsoft is the company behind two of this month's four offerings, Minecraft Legends, and the Overwatch 2 Mega Bundle.

On April 2, PS Plus can get those two things free of charge in addition to Immortals of Aveum and Skul: The Hero Slayer. Immortals of Aveum is a single-player shooter where players use magic instead of weapons. Although the thing it's most notable for is flopping upon its release, Immortals of Aveum is still a solid shooter that you might have missed out on, and you should give it a shot now that you can get it through PS Plus. Meanwhile, Skul: The Hero Slayer is a tough 2D platformer roguelike that should entertain fans of that genre for quite some time.

Read more
These are the 10 best gaming PCs I’d recommend to anyone
Graphics card in the CLX Hathor PC.

We review dozens of gaming PCs each year. In 2024, there are a ton of great options, but we've narrowed down a list of the 10 best gaming desktops that deserve your hard-earned money.

In 2024, we still recommend the Alienware Aurora R16 due to its fantastic design, solid performance, and decent value. However, there are several other options depending on your needs and budget. If you want a deeper look into how we evaluate gaming PCs, make sure to read our post on how we review desktops.

Read more
Mecha Break’s robot customization shakes up the battle royale formula
Mecha Break robot head with glowing blue eyes

Mecha Break isn't the kind of multiplayer game you can master right away.

You might equip a lance that you barely know how to use because it seemed like a good idea, and spend the rest of a round attempting to bash yourself into enemies to help your teammates. It incorporates action that's more similar to that of Armored Core 6: Fires of Rubicon than it is to the shooter-focused gameplay in Gundam Evolution, Bandai Namco's multiplayer mecha shooter that shut down last year. Overwatch does come to mind, but in a way where mechs are still the focus rather than the pilots within them.

Read more