Social Networking
Twitter, MySpace and Facebook have basically carved out a whole new niche for interaction on the Web. But as with any medium, the rules for what’s acceptable and what crosses the line have still yet to completely gel. The most important axiom to grasp: Not everyone has the same standards you do. “Your boundaries are not going to be the same as everyone else’s,” says Farley. Your friends may consist of college buddies and close friends, but you never know whose boss, coworkers or parents are looking on at their page.
Case in point: Don’t just go plastering up those photos of your friend with a beer bong because you think they’re hilarious. “If you were at a party and you took great, funny and incriminating photos of all your friends, you want to think twice before you put those up on Facebook, and get their permission before you do.” Farley’s approach is usually to create and post an album, provided there’s nothing outrageous in it, then share it with only the friends who were there, leave it up to them to tag themselves, and always offer to remove any photos that friends aren’t comfortable with. The same goes for old photos that might be a throwback to an era you remember fondly, but your friends would rather forget. Ask first, post later. Even if it’s a little conservative, your friends will usually appreciate the extra consideration.
What about those friend requests from your boss, or your 60 year-old aunt? Unless you want them to be privy to all the details of your life, consider using restricted-access settings (like a limited profile on Facebook) that will tone down what they see to just the basics. That way, you’ll avoid the awkwardness of snubbing them, but retain your privacy. If you really don’t want to friend someone, or see it as inappropriate, like a teacher with friend requests from students, don’t be afraid to click that deny button. Just be prepared to explain yourself in person, if your rejected “friend” asks questions. Farley believes a consistent policy makes this easiest, so Jeff from marketing won’t feel singled out when he finds out you declined him due to your “no coworkers” policy. (Setting a “no jerks” policy may not be nearly as diplomatic.)
On Twitter, it’s easy to get tunnel vision when tweets back and forth between friends become almost a conversation. But don’t ever forget that it’s all broadcast for everyone to see. Farley cautions against letting private details slip in messages to friends on Twitter (“@gainfullyemployed congratulations on the new job!”) when a person might not want his or her entire Twitter base to know (“@gainfullyemployed were you planning on giving us two weeks notice?”).
Check out our podcast on Facebook Taboos.
Instant Messaging
For those of us who spend any appreciable amount of time in front of a computer throughout the day, logging on to chat clients like AOL Instant Messenger and Yahoo! have become like second nature. They’re a great way to multitask, but you can also turn into a distraction or a burden for some people if you’re not careful.
For your own sake, get in the habit of leaving away messages. Not only do they let other people know whether to drop you a line, they’ll save you from unwanted interruptions when you’re busy or just don’t have time to talk. On the same note, make sure to respect other peoples’ status and away messages. “If you’ve never IMed with someone before, I would want to be sure that it’s really someone who’s going to welcome your name popping up on the screen,” says Farley. “Be cautious in the way that you use it, that you’re not intruding into someone else’s life when it’s not welcome.”
And once you get going in a conversation, make some attempt to actually keep up with it. Everyone will need to step away from the desk now and then when a conversation carries on for two hours, but a quick “brb” does wonders to resolve the ambiguity when you suddenly stop responding. “If you’re in the midst of a rip roaring conversation, you shouldn’t just up and walk away, in the same way that you wouldn’t just put down the phone in middle of a sentence and walk away,” says Farley.
Like in e-mails, you’ll also want to go easy on the emoticons and abbreviations. “If the thing starts to look like some government document because there are so many abbreviations, that’s barely communication anymore,” Farley says. “It’s really defeating the purpose of all this instant communication when the person is completely befuddled about what it is you’re trying to say.” And emoticons: Go easy on them, unless you want people to think you’re a nine year-old girl.
The Golden Rule
You don’t have to memorize an arm-long list of tips and tricks to keep from inadvertently running afoul of poise and dignity with your techie toys. Farley has a much simpler axiom: “Always remember that people are more important devices.” Think of the store clerk who makes you wait at the cash register with cash in hand to answer the phone to talk to someone miles away who may or may not ever come in to buy something. It doesn’t make sense. “You can’t forget that you have live human beings right next you, and they deserve your attention before you give attention to your devices,” says Farley. “If you follow that rule, you can probably solve 90 percent of etiquette dilemmas when it comes to tech.”
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