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Idiot parents named their newborn Hashtag, await the day she emancipates

Hipster parents, they try so hard to understand. They know you are special and unique. They know you’d grow up one day to run a blog about your hole-in-a-wall wine bar that serves artisanal cheese and chocolates. So why would they name you something generic like Jane, Steve, or Bob when you can go by Audio Science, Falcon, or Moxie Crimefighter?

Such is the case with this little girl who joined this earth around 10 p.m. this past Saturday. Her parents, clearly a big fan of Internet, decided to name her something that’ll make her the trendiest baby of 2012. Thus, Hashtag Jameson was ironically unveiled onto Facebook without any hashtags in the post. Mommy and daddy, do you even know how Facebook and hashtags work?

All things considered, this situation is not that unusual. In this new decade alone, we’ve seen several babies named after social media, such as Facebook and Like. We’re just sorry for these poor kids who will be forever teased, and the myriad of jokes that can come only with a first name like Hashtag. Also, what will happen 18 years down the line when these kids apply to college and have to explain themselves for their parents’ testaments to the Web? Will Facebook, Twitter, or gifs even be relevant in that future? Speaking of gifs, while the parents are set to ruin their poor daughter’s life, they may as well add that to her middle name to complete the birth certificate.

Meanwhile, we’ll count down the days until Hashtag grows mature enough to disown her parents and change her name to Sarah. Now that’s what we call #Winning.

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