If you’ve been re-watching Ally McBeal on Netflix, you know John Cage invented a remote control toilet flusher because he liked “a fresh bowl.” Mr. Cage, may we introduce you to the Optum VorMax toilet? American Standard’s “new flushing technology” promises to get rid of “dreaded skid marks, splatter, and clingy dirt” (Dirt? Just what are you people flushing?) for good.
Don’t worry; their claim that the flushing system clears the bowl twice as well as regular toilets has been independently verified by science. Its technology received the highest “bulk removal score” (shudder) on the Maximum Performance (MaP) test, which is used to report on toilet performance. Lest you think this powerful flush requires extra water, the toilets are high-efficiency and can whisk away 1,000 grams (2.2 pounds) of what the French call merde with 1.28 gallons of water. (For the record, toilets must use no more than 1.28 gallons per flush, or gpf, to be labeled high-efficiency by WaterSense, the EnergyStar of toilets and other water-related products.)
The toilet uses what American Standard calls a “CleanCurve Rim.” Instead of several detritus-trapping holes underneath the toilet rim, a single jet swirls completely around the bowl to clear away stubborn stains. The video demonstrating this is not for the faint of heart, as it goes beyond the traditional, euphemistic “blue water” test to show the jet decimating little brown mounds stuck to the bowl.
In addition to this flushing technology, the VorMax also promises to give your toilet brush even more of a break. It stays cleaner longer than traditional toilets, with a special finish that impedes bacteria, mold, and mildew growth, according to the press release. Combine it with this odor-eliminating toilet seat, and you’ll never have to fear letting guests use your bathroom again.
Retailing for $288, the Optum Vormax is available exclusively at Home Depot. Happy flushing!