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Someone explain to us why these things were at CES

CES wtf wtf headphones

Every year, CES presents three or four or 1,563 examples of why the term “consumer electronics” is a bit too broadly defined for its own good. 4K OLEDs? Awesome. Brain-activated user interfaces that let us control computers with membranes? Totally awesome. Vibrators? Isn’t there a porn show in Vegas just a few weeks from now? Here are a few other examples of companies that are taking liberties with consumers and electronics.

Party Animals

CES wtf Party Animals

Holy hell, they’re back and this time, they come in costumes. We thought these things were pretty disturbing the first time around, but now they’ve expanded in animal varieties and outfits. Perfect for scaring the bejesus out of your children, or convincing them against adopting a puppy.

MiniMe

CES wtf minime

MiniMe lets you convert a flat, 2D digital image into a 3D photo. Okay, that sounds kind of cool. But this application? Absolutely terrifying. That baby looks like it’s staring into my soul, and I don’t want lifeless, Tigger costume-wearing dolls to do that.

Trojan Vibrations

CES wtf Trojans

Trojan made headline rounds this year when it traveled across American cities and gave out free vibrators from its Vibrations line. Apparently, Las Vegas was no different, and the company found no better place than a convention center full of tech nerds to give a little love. You could argue that sex toys are a consumer electronic in their own right, but it’s pretty disturbing to walk two steps from an educational brainwave-controlled headband to massagers for your privates. Sensory overload.

Fujiiryoki

CES wtf butt show

Butt shows. BUTT SHOWS. If you must know, Fujiiryoki was showcasing a line of exercise machines designed to help wiggle the junk out of your trunk. Yikes.

TOSY

CES wtf Tosy

We already pondered how TOSY managed to afford a giant booth for its mRobo dancing robot, and this promotional bag does not help with our confusion. Would you spend $200 on this flamboyantly flexible robot? $100? $20?

Garrett Metal Detectors

CES wtf metal detector

The CES layout is generally divided into zones according to categories, such as Digital Health Summit, Gaming Showcase, Robotics, and Sustainable Planet. I think I mistakenly walked into the home shopping network section of the floor.

ITOYA Profolio

CES wtf vespa

The Las Vegas Convention center gives attendees the usual option to rent motorized scooters if they’re unable to hoof it, and this being an electronics show, there were also some people roaming around in Segways looking like complete tools. Don’t they know this is how you get around in style?