For all the connectivity modern day technology is meant to have afforded us, it is clear that dating in the 21st century is every bit as bad, if not worse, than it was decades ago. Leaving aside my own disastrous experiences on Tinder, OKCupid, and other such dating apps, it seems that the relative convenience of texting as a whole has really done something terrible to the notion of romance.
During their discussion of Aziz Ansari’s newly released book “Modern Romance: An Investigation,” on Monday’s episode of The Tonight Show, comedians Ansari and Jimmy Fallon took it upon themselves to read from the book some of the worst first texts in relationship history. If you have a weak stomach, be warned — and look away.
The book explores at length the novelty of the first text, which Ansari admits, can be daunting, especially for those looking to make a grand first impression on their object of affection. But Ansari soon came to find, “It was really surprising, like, the kind of bozo texts a lot of dudes send because it seems like a really simple thing.” But simplicity has never stopped anyone from making a fool of him or herself, and Ansari asked real people to share some of their worst real first text messages from potential suitors.
“Hi Rachel,” begins one, innocuously enough, “Since I never got a chance to ask you to dance at Marissa and Chris’s wedding (I’m Chris’s old roommate from Purdue…), he and your sister gave me your number. I wanted to say hi and sort of “texty” introduce myself. Haha. :-) Hope you had a great weekend… hope to chat with you soon.”
Uncomfortable and awkward, perhaps, but nowhere near as bad as the next one: “My friend have me this number. Said a smart, pretty girl needed to be taken out to dinner? Where are you wanting to go?”
For more extreme discomfort and horror, watch the full clip, and lament the death of romance.