Monsters unite as Shaq becomes Monster’s latest spokesperson

Ever see a monster pitching a Monster? You soon will, as Monster (formerly Monster Cable) announced today that basketball legend, class clown of the commentator world, and all around gargantuan human being, Shaquille O’Neal, has been tapped as its newest spokesmodel.

Shaq will begin his new role as pitchman for the company by helping Monster market its M7 tablet. First released in September, the M7 is somehow being touted by Monster as a “premium” tablet, though it’s priced at a bottom-rung $150, and retails exclusively online from Walmart. The 7-inch device runs Android’s older Jellybean 4.1 OS, and boasts a dual core 1.5GHz processor, 1GB of RAM, and 16GB of storage. Shaq will also help out by endorsing Monster’s new POWERCARD, a credit card-sized power booster for smartphones, which claims to provide 5 hours of runtime  in a third of the time as normal charging stations.Shaq-Monster Products edit

Didn’t know Monster made charging stations and tablets? Well, don’t worry about the quality, because Shaq says they’re awesome. And if you can’t trust a man who spent his career shattering backboards, body-slamming centers, and shanking free throws to check out your technology for you, who can you trust?

Of course, if you haven’t noticed, Shaq says A LOT of things are awesome. The man’s made more commercials than Flo from Progressive. (That has to end sometime, right?) For our own amusement, we can’t help but hope for a repeat of Shaq’s Buick commercial, in which he somehow packs his 8-foot frame inside a Lacrosse, filling the cab like Sasquatch in a go-cart while lauding its roomy interior. Maybe the Monster version could show a shot of Shaq’s humongous hand palming the M7 like an iPod, and claiming its gigantic screen is perfect for watching Kazaam.

For a company that made its name in audio cables and headphones, Monster’s rather bizarre transition into new markets, especially the tablet world, still has us scratching our heads a bit. We realize everybody has to have a tablet these days, but we didn’t know that meant everybody. Still, it’s nice that Monster has picked a trusted name in technology like Shaq to speak for the M7. Maybe Monster can come up with its own brand of Icy Hot next, or possibly a shoe line-up that color coordinates with your headphones? With Mr. – sorry – Dr. O’Neal on board, the possibilities are endless.

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