I’ve spent so much time waiting for Kickstarter projects to ship what they promised me that I started imagining what the next big Kickstarter project might write to their backers. Here are some possibilities…
Freeze Ray Update #1
We are overwhelmed with your love! Over 18,500 of you have backed our project, and we now have more than $35 million to develop the coolest tech toy ever. (Honestly, originally we just wanted $75,000 to impress some girls.) Watch for your freeze ray in about 10 weeks.
Freeze Ray Update #3
We need to clear up some misconceptions. Contrary to yesterday’s New York Times report, our freeze ray is not a weapon. It has no impact whatsoever on living tissue. But it is pretty cool. Your freeze ray will instantly freeze any liquid or inanimate object. It most definitely cannot freeze fuel inside a jet flying overhead; the freeze ray’s range is limited to about 100 feet.
Freeze Ray Update #4
Learned a valuable lesson about the persistence of New York Times reporters. It turns out our prototype could freeze fuel inside a jet plane, so we need to completely rewrite our specs. Shipments will be delayed a bit, but probably only by a few weeks.
Freeze Ray Update #7
Thanks for your response to our invitation last week that you vote for your favorite design. To summarize a bit, 55% of you want your freeze ray to be as garish as possible, while 43% want it to be sleek and discreet. 1% want it to be invisible, but when we tested that possibility we ended up losing our prototype.
Freeze Ray Update #9
We hate to write this more than you hate to read it, but we have to delay shipments once again. Our prototypes continue to perform superbly, but a key vendor misplaced a decimal point, resulting in our receiving 10,000 bolts that are 19” long, instead of 1.9”.
Freeze Ray Update #10
Short note today. Fingers numb from sawing bolts. 540 done, and counting.
Freeze Ray Update #15
It turns out that freeze rays are against the law in most of the United States, so we can only ship them to backers who live in Afghanistan, Iran, Zambia, Kazakhstan, and Texas. Will get back to you next week with a few options for backers who live elsewhere.
(still waiting for Update #16)
Bruce Kasanoff is author of Simplify the Future, your guide to a successful career and a rewarding life.
The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not reflect the beliefs of Digital Trends.