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Facebook pitfalls every grown adult should avoid in order to maintain online integrity

We all know that our lives as depicted on social media aren’t real. The images and statuses we post on Instagram and Facebook are a far cry from the monotonous reality we face day-to-day.

Don’t get us wrong, Facebook is a great way to keep in touch with a wide range of people. The problem is that a lot of your random Insta-friends (and be honest, you’re not really friends with them all) have dubious views on a whole manner of issues.

Therefore, allow us to bluntly guide you through the minefield that is unacceptable online behavior. You probably know someone who regularly commits one of these Facebook faux-pas, or perhaps you’ve done so yourself. Don’t stress, help is at hand: Avoid these major mistakes and make Facebook a better place for all involved.

Communicating with your partner when you’re clearly in the same room

We get it, you’re in love and it’s beautiful. Unfortunately, the rest of us are single and miserable, or in awful relationships with people we secretly despise. So please don’t communicate your sickly sweet love over Facebook for the world to see.

And you know what we’re talking about. A typical status – posted at 9 p.m. on a weekday – when you and your partner are snuggling on the couch following a Netflix binge – that consists of: “I love my lady so much.” Then comes the cloying response, less than a minute later: “I love you more boo.”

Kill me now.

“No, I love you more.” Seriously, this is the type of moronic sentimentality clogging up our timelines? Your friends only logged on to Facebook to stalk their respective exes while crying into a microwave dinner (or as the Digital Trends team calls it: Friday night). Spare them the humiliation of having to witness your perfect love life.

Posting (too many) pics of your children

Nobody’s asking you to go to paparazzi dodging, celebrity-like extremes to shelter the privacy of your family — but don’t bombard us with baby pics either. Your friends don’t want to see every second of your child’s life documented online, no matter how cute.

Facebook-tips-kids-pics

Everything seems adorable when you first have children: “Awww look at her, she’s covered in baby food and just soiled herself, how cute.” Despite how life-affirming this seems, seeing weekly visual reminders of your newfound status as a parent is plain boring for others. Instead, try this: Document how you went from cool bachelor and single lady to haggard old mum and dad through a series of selfies that see you ditch your skinny jeans and hip sneakers for sweatpants and Uggs.

Sending mass game requests

Why is this still happening? Honestly, if someone told us a few years back that in 2016 we’d still be getting Candy Crush requests we’d have quit Facebook and moved to the remotest region of the Earth to live a life of solitude. Yet it still occurs, although not as regularly as it did during the peak free-to-play gaming era. Game requests are the Facebook version of spam. Therefore, if you’re still sending out Farmville invites, you’re basically a human spambot. You also have terrible taste in games.

Posting religious content

“You know who’s the coolest? Our Lord Jesus Christ,” said no one ever. The last time we saw someone post a religious sermon online it resulted in a straight-up block and led to the great Facebook purge of 2009, which saw us successfully un-friend around 50 people.

Telling someone they are celebrating their respective religious occasion wrong via a biased rant in the guise of a Facebook status (like that old clichéd criticism that people are commercializing spirituality) is also a huge no-no, as is posting a link to a religious website or video. Guess what? People aren’t necessarily thinking of the spiritual side of Christmas. Instead, they’re just down to get some cool gifts and consume a lifetime’s supply of food (and don’t forget Christmas crackers, everyone loves crackers).

So next time you think of posting a religious status, irrespective of your religion, just remember the one Facebook commandment: “Thou shalt not post spiritual statements online, for that is the path to douchebaggery.”

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