WTF, Internet? I went Christmas shopping on Pinterest and this is the crap I found

Though I strategically avoided it for years, I recently caved to Pinterest. Not to an absurd, life-consuming degree where I talk about seeing things on Pinterest, say things like “Pinspiration,” or even log in daily, but I’ve relinquished to the hypnotic sexiness of scrolling through DIY projects I’ll never attempt, clothes I’ll never pull off, and Air Mall-esque items I’ll never own.

Despite these admissions, Pinterest certainly has a usefulness for everyone; for me it’s list-making. Things I need or want, or want to get others, or suggest to others. And given how close we are to hitting the time of the year when all financial sanity goes out the window, what better place to turn than Pinterest for some ideas?

Bad idea, because beneath all of Pinterest’s pastels and pretty, there is a deeper, darker, weirder side buried in there. I fell head first into the “why?” of Pinterest. Allow me to introduce you to seven things you should absolutely not buy anyone for the holidays, which can also serve as seven reasons to do your window shopping elsewhere.

The Boob Pillow

Boob PillowThis was listed under “products.” It certainly is a product, that much is true. However the why and … OK, really just the why escapes me. It also makes me worry that maybe I’m doing it wrong or there is some health issue associated with boobs touching while you sleep that I’ve yet to hear about and might someday die from.

Mason jar sippy cup

Mason jar sippy cupSeriously Pinterest, just quit it with the mason jars. Yeah, we get it: It’s a jar used for canning but you’re using it as a cup instead. Mind … blown. The only thing worse than actually ordering mason jars and using them as cups is ordering a bottle made to look like a mason jar; that’s just reverse engineering. I took something easy and made it harder but made it look like it was easy!

The Camera Ring

The Camera RingThe ideal gift for the creep-shotter who keeps getting caught taking pictures when they pretend to be reading texts at a particular strange angle. There can be no other reason this was developed.

Boob scarf

Boob scarfThis is either for your boobs or in celebration of them. There are many, many versions as well, because if something ever needed versatility, this was it.

The Pajama Warming Pouch

The Pajama Warming PouchPerhaps you like warm pajamas … because you’re a human. Well fear not, Pinterest has found this electric blanket with a slit in it you shove your jammies inside for a quit heat up. Or you could just keep up with your current routine of setting the oven on warm, throwing them in a bag, and enjoy 15 minutes of potential house-burning-down time. Or just go to bed in room-temperature pajamas, you spoiled brat.

Another boob pillow

comfy breasts pillowWhat the hell?! Is this a growing market? Is there something wrong with just laying on normal mattresses and pillows?!


SandThe description for Sand by Brookstone says it all: “Sand is great for: Goofing off in the office; distracting co-workers; building castles; making shapes and faces; writing messages; reducing stress. Age 5+.”

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