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We challenge you not to gag when you hear about the Pick Up Girls smartwatch

Are you ready for a challenge? Here we go: Try not to gag as you learn more about the latest smartwatch project to hit crowd-funding site Indiegogo. It’s called the Pick Up Girls smartwatch, and the name gives its primary function away pretty early on, because it’s supposedly made to help guys get better at meeting and seducing girls.

It does this, apparently, by playing subliminal messages over music streamed from the device, and by encouraging the use of three 15-minute hypnosis lessons to increase confidence, and get rid of shyness. By doing this, the watch will help men learn dating and social skills, understand how to impress girls, make eye-contact, tell great jokes, and obviously, learn to be a better lover.

Related: Get ready for Samsung’s first round smartwatch, coming in September

Pick Up Girls Watch FacesOther features useful for picking up girls include watch face wallpaper of kittens and flowers, which when shown off, are great tools for starting conversations. The Pick Up Girls smartwatch is described as the wearable that trains your brain while you listen to music, so you can, “meet and sweet talk more girls, and have more sex.”

Outside of this, if you pop in a SIM card the watch also becomes a phone, there’s a camera above the 1.56-inch, 240 x 240 pixel touchscreen, plus the battery will last about a week. It’ll connect to Android or iOS phones, deliver notifications, monitor fitness, and has 32GB of internal storage memory.

It costs $200 and comes with a pair of special headphones that can reproduce the low-frequency subliminal audio, but need to be physically connected to the watch using a cable. A Bluetooth headset is included in the next level option, which costs $235. Somewhat bizarrely, each watch comes with a lucky coin with the words “I am lucky with the ladies” on one side, and “I am confident, I am cool” on the other. That should help.

Is it real?

Congratulations, you made it this far without gagging, but did you make it this far without laughing? There is, of course, almost zero chance this is a genuine product. The campaign has received no contributions at all (and if it were possible, there are idiots out there who would go crazy for this type of product), while the company and the man behind it, Amazing Results and someone called Art Glass, don’t seem to really exist.

How do we know for sure the Pick Up Girls smartwatch is all a big, stupid, not-very-funny joke? Because no-one, man nor woman, has ever impressed a member of the opposite sex with any kind of wearable tech, and never will either. If you’re out there, Art Glass, then please do get in touch to prove us wrong.