Chevrolet’s 2016 Cruze press release is written entirely in emoji. Can you help us decode it?

Chevrolet Cruze
The Chevrolet Cruze compact car is all new for the 2016 model year. Details about how the vehicle will look and perform are slim at the moment, and the brand’s latest press release isn’t helping much. Why? It’s written entirely in emoji.

Unfortunately, we skipped all of our emoji description classes in college, so it’s tough to tell what the release actually says. Here’s what Chevrolet had to say about the cryptic dispatch.

“Words alone can’t describe the new 2016 Chevrolet Cruze, so to celebrate its upcoming reveal, the media advisory is being issued in emoji, the small emotionally expressive digital images and icons in electronic communication. Try and decode this news or watch for the decoder at 2 p.m. EDT [11 a.m. PDT] on Tuesday. #ChevyGoesEmoji.”

Emoji-speak is far from an exact science, but let’s give this a whirl.

Chevrolet Cruze

“People love cars. We love to ‘Cruze’ around the city, jamming with our favorite tunes during daytime AND nighttime. But soon, a new car will hatch, which allows you to connect with your phone easily, and also go bowling during geometry class. The 2016 Cruze is also more fuel efficient than ever, giving all you sportsters plenty of time for sportsing. It’ll also save you money that you can spend on bread, dresses, shoes, lipstick, and even tiny dancing humans. Tell your friends, put on a tie, and grow a mustache.”

You know what, let’s just wait until Tuesday for this one.

Outside of ideograms and smileys, we do have industry rumblings and rumors to fall back on. Chevrolet released a dark teaser image of the Cruze (above) earlier this month, hinting at a more youthful, almost Camaro-inspired face for the 2016 version. It will share its D2XX platform with the new Volt as well, making the second-generation car larger, yet lighter than its predecessor.

Inside, the Cruze is expected to equip a 7.0-inch touchscreen with both Android Auto and Apple CarPlay functionality. As far as engines, the fuel-efficient people-carrier will likely equip a 1.5-liter turbocharged four-cylinder, though a turbodiesel four-pot should return for 2016.

Keep it locked to DT Cars as the 2016 Chevrolet Cruze will be revealed in full tomorrow. Have a translation of your own? Post it in the comments section below.

Cars

The snake escapes: Ford’s 700-hp Mustang GT500 slithers online ahead of schedule

The Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 will return in 2019 with over 700 horsepower, Ford confirmed at the 2018 Detroit Auto Show. The GT500 will be the most powerful Ford production car ever.
Gaming

These are the best Xbox One games out right now

More than four years into its lifespan, Microsoft's latest console is finally coming into its own. From 'Cuphead' to 'Halo 5,' the best Xbox One games offer something for everyone.
Cars

Could the next Mazda3 boast a fuel-saving breakthrough in engine tech?

Mazda released a teaser video that likely previews the next Mazda3. Expected to make its global debut at the L.A. auto show, the next 3 will wear a more curvaceous design and offer one of the most advanced engines in the automotive…
Gaming

The hottest Nintendo Switch games you can get right now

The Nintendo Switch's lineup started off small, but games have steadily released as the console continues through its second year. Here are the best Nintendo Switch games available now, from Super Mario Odyssey to Fortnite.
Cars

At 503 mph, Turbinator II is the world’s fastest wheel-driven vehicle

The Turbinator II is a four-wheel drive streamliner powered by a 5,000-horsepower helicopter engine, and it just achieved 503.332 mph at the Bonneville Salt Flats. That's an unofficial record for a wheel-driven car.
Cars

Lyft has a new fixed-price subscription plan for frequent passengers

Lyft wants you to save money by using rideshare services instead of owning a car. The new Lyft All-Access Plan monthly rideshare trip subscription includes 30 rides a month with a small discount for additional trips.
Product Review

Audi's new A8 is so sophisticated and serene, it practically deletes potholes

The 2019 Audi A8’s outline looks promising: Level 3 autonomous driving capability, haptic-feedback infotainment screens, rear-wheel steering, Matrix LED headlights and OLED taillights, plus a predictive suspension.
Cars

Workhorse takes on diesel with lighter, cheaper NGEN-1000 electric delivery van

Ohio-based Workhorse Group claims its new NGEN-1000 electric delivery van costs the same as a conventional diesel van and can haul a similar amount of cargo. A lower curb weight makes this possible.
Cars

Forget transponders with Peasy’s nationwide pay-as-you-go toll service

Verra Mobility launched Peasy, a consumer highway and bridge toll payment service. Designed to be less hassle than managing traditional transponder or toll tag accounts, Peasy pays tolls as they are levied across most of the U.S.
Cars

Just 10 people will get to put this limited-edition Audi R8 in their garages

The 2018 Audi R8 V10 Plus Competition makes use of Audi's motor sports experience to turn up the performance dial. Decreased weight and increased aerodynamic downforce make this R8 a track monster.
Cars

Porsche’s all-electric Taycan sedan will cost less than a Panamera

Porsche's Mission E concept won't change much as it transitions to a production model named Taycan that's scheduled to arrive in 2019. That means the sedan will keep the sleek design and its 800-volt charging system.
Cars

Bored with stock? The best tuner cars are begging to be modified

Modification has been around almost as long as the automobile itself. Here are 25 of the best tuner cars you can find, ranging from American muscle standouts to Japanese drift cars.
Cars

Tesla keeps promise with more affordable Model 3 with midrange battery pack

Tesla is keeping its promise of making the Model 3 gradually more affordable. The company released a new variant of the car with a mid-range, 260-mile battery option that's priced under the $50,000 mark.
Cars

Volvo plans to face the future without sacrificing its identity

Volvo is embarking on an ambitious push to fill its lineup with electric and hybrid cars, as well as an infotainment partnership with Google. Volvo Americas CEO Anders Gustafsson explains how the Swedish automaker plans to pull that off.