Chevrolet’s 2016 Cruze press release is written entirely in emoji. Can you help us decode it?

Chevrolet Cruze
The Chevrolet Cruze compact car is all new for the 2016 model year. Details about how the vehicle will look and perform are slim at the moment, and the brand’s latest press release isn’t helping much. Why? It’s written entirely in emoji.

Unfortunately, we skipped all of our emoji description classes in college, so it’s tough to tell what the release actually says. Here’s what Chevrolet had to say about the cryptic dispatch.

“Words alone can’t describe the new 2016 Chevrolet Cruze, so to celebrate its upcoming reveal, the media advisory is being issued in emoji, the small emotionally expressive digital images and icons in electronic communication. Try and decode this news or watch for the decoder at 2 p.m. EDT [11 a.m. PDT] on Tuesday. #ChevyGoesEmoji.”

Emoji-speak is far from an exact science, but let’s give this a whirl.

Chevrolet Cruze

“People love cars. We love to ‘Cruze’ around the city, jamming with our favorite tunes during daytime AND nighttime. But soon, a new car will hatch, which allows you to connect with your phone easily, and also go bowling during geometry class. The 2016 Cruze is also more fuel efficient than ever, giving all you sportsters plenty of time for sportsing. It’ll also save you money that you can spend on bread, dresses, shoes, lipstick, and even tiny dancing humans. Tell your friends, put on a tie, and grow a mustache.”

You know what, let’s just wait until Tuesday for this one.

Outside of ideograms and smileys, we do have industry rumblings and rumors to fall back on. Chevrolet released a dark teaser image of the Cruze (above) earlier this month, hinting at a more youthful, almost Camaro-inspired face for the 2016 version. It will share its D2XX platform with the new Volt as well, making the second-generation car larger, yet lighter than its predecessor.

Inside, the Cruze is expected to equip a 7.0-inch touchscreen with both Android Auto and Apple CarPlay functionality. As far as engines, the fuel-efficient people-carrier will likely equip a 1.5-liter turbocharged four-cylinder, though a turbodiesel four-pot should return for 2016.

Keep it locked to DT Cars as the 2016 Chevrolet Cruze will be revealed in full tomorrow. Have a translation of your own? Post it in the comments section below.

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