One of the many reasons we love architectural concepts at Digital Trends is because we enjoy envisioning the possibilities of what our future might look like. Where will we live, dine, play, work? Underwater discus hotel? Awesome. Hashtag-inspired skyscraper? Neat. A colossal-sized trampoline that forces commuters to bounce their way across a river? No, no, no, no, holy cheeseballs, make it stop.
Proposed by Paris-based AZC Studios, the simply-titled “Bridge” is an inflatable pathway with giant trampolines in the middle, allowing for 30-meter diameters of bouncy horror as you make your journey across the Seine River. I see why this might be a fun idea in theory, but in reality, I can only envision the number of limbs, crotches, mouths, berets and baguettes I’ll have to strategically dodge to hop across the bridge without a pierced throat. Judging by these mock-up photos, you’ll also be able to jump at ridiculous heights, meaning you’ll also fall a long way down this “3,700 cubic meters of air.” Jerks already exist on normal bridges; you know, the ones who walk way too slow, sway from side to side, or randomly stop without notice. What makes you think there wouldn’t be one on this McDonald’s Play Pen of a bridge who will show off her abilities to hurkie the heck out of your chin? Even if you don’t run into anyone, unless you amazing body control, you might just belly smash right onto the inflated edge. Don’t even get me started on the blank space connecting two trampolines together. Miss that jump by an inch and it’s bath time.
Not only is this bridge concept suicidal, it just isn’t practical. What if you are carrying a backpack? Can you imagine losing your wallet and cellphone forever off this “bridge”? How about that spiky thing you call a bracelet that might puncture one side of the inflated edge and cause the whole thing to fall apart? Sure, that view of the Eiffel Tower might be the best angle you’ve ever had … if you manage to hold on to your eyeballs for that long before getting it jabbed with some idiot kid’s toe.
Clearly, I have way too many concerns and issues with this bridge, so you know what, maybe this death trap should be real. It would be the most perfect Halloween event of the century.
Andrew: Mother of God. Never before in my life have I felt such a visceral urge to cross a bridge. There are organs I would surrender for a chance to bound upon this glorious structure. First borns I would give up. Days I would go without beer.
The thing you don’t realize, Natt, is that practicality is not the point here. It’s not even a second-cousin of the point. This is about pure, unadulterated joy. The kind of happiness rarely felt by anyone, save fetching dogs and children playing with bubbles. Or jumping on trampolines, for that matter.
This is a bridge for people who have soul, who seek better things in life than simple longevity, who want to let down their hair, toss off their high heels and shout, “Hello, world! Check out this bitchin’ backflip!”
Is there a chance of plunging into a watery grave? Sure. But that’s true with every bridge ever — it’s a moot point.
You’ve got to learn to live a little, Natt. Know a good way to do that? Trampoline bridge. Believe.
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