Paid cable programming for dogs is dogmatically absurd

Dog watching TV

If reincarnation exists, I think being born in another life as a pampered pet is probably the best alternative. My owners can buy me a fluffy pillow-top bedding, fancy food with real meat (none of that chicken byproduct crap, according to commercials), put me in funky sweaters, and leave me in pet hotels or luxury kennels when they go off on vacation or business trips. When I’m home, they can also purchase, for a low price of $4.99 a month, DogTV, a cable network channel made strictly for man’s best friend.

Yep, DogTV is absolutely real. Producers of shows for the channel specifically designed them to be in muted colors and play altered sound and music written just for dogs. Since canines recognize high frequencies, sound has to be adjusted and tailored comfortably to their ear receptors. Dogs can also enjoy programmings without commercial interruptions, all the ratings riff raff, and they’ll never catch repeats of the same show since the channel won’t air reruns.

“I always feel guilty leaving him alone all day when I’m at work,” Mary Catania, a resident in San Diego who subscribes to DogTV, told Associated Press. “He’s like my kid. I don’t have any children so I really treat him like my child. Anything that makes him happy makes me happy.”

Catania’s not the only pet owner who pampers her dog this way. At the moment, at least one million subscribers have access to DogTV and its success is allowing the parent company of the channel to bring it to a national level. But does it really matter what dogs are watching on TV? Why can’t we just leave on any ol’ channel we already have on basic cable?

According to a research by Dr. Nick Dodman, director of the Animal Behavior Clinic in Department of Clinical Sciences at Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine at Tufts University in Massachusetts, dogs “not only recognize other dogs on TV, they may even respond differently to their own breed.” With DogTV, producers are aiming for the programs to help dogs feel more relaxed and stimulated, while other sequences that include other dog breeds and social interaction can help increase the animal’s excitement level.

Nope, you didn’t just finish reading an article from The Onion. As wild as this sound, don’t say we didn’t warn you when you see that commercial advertisement for DogTV in the upcoming months. Also possibly in the works is CatTV, because cat ladies clearly can’t provide enough love for their feline friends. Lastly, if the Smell-O-Vision ever come into existence, you can bet producers will bank on the technology to be able to fill the room with scents to match television sequences.

Share with us your thoughts of DogTV. Would you subscribe for your beloved pets, or is the idea completely absurd?

Image Credit: Flickr / Maufdi