When did you last have sexytime? This mattress texts if it’s been too long

You don’t even have to leave your bed anymore to get some valuable relationship advice. Meet Respark, the texting mattress from Dunlopillo. Yep, that’s right; there is now a mattress on the market specifically designed to give you romantic suggestions. It’s geared toward “resparking” your relationship, and it supposedly knows exactly what you need to do it.

Respark has tracking sensors embedded within it, which track the movement in your bed. In short, it knows when you’ve been busy. It collects the data from its sensors to calculate the health of your relationship. Not enough movement going on? Respark will let you know (and probably judge your relationship as fairly unhealthy).

Finally, the mattress analyzes its data to separate your restful nights from your sleepless, sexy nights. Remember, Respark knows when you could use a little help. With the Respark app on your smartphone, your mattress sends notifications when you’ve been “less active” as of late. Then, it will give you everything from restaurant suggestions to bonding activities that you may want to try to get back on track. It’s sort of the exact opposite of the Luna smart mattress cover; when we asked its creators about this very issue, they insisted they were interested in tracking sleep, not sex.

Dunlopillo promises the data is all anonymous, but perhaps you recall several years ago when Fitbit data unwittingly revealed the sex lives of its users. But if you really need a new mattress and are perfectly fine with it tracking your love life and telling you to send your special someone flowers, then you can get yourself a Respark. Currently, you can sign up on the Respark mattress website to try one and see if it benefits your love life. However, you should be prepared to face the realities of your activities, or lack thereof, in the bedroom.

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Haier’s shoe washer cleans sneakers without all the clanging and banging

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