The ultimate in narcissism, or perhaps masochism, is here. And your body may not be ready for it. Firebox has launched Nudee, a service that will use “some very futuristic 3D-print technology” to “carve every crevice of your delicate dome” and mount it atop one of six nearly naked 3D-printed human body types. It’ll stand 7.8 inches tall and cost you $212. The only thing you need to do is upload two high resolution photos of your head, one that gives the “eagle-eyed sculptors” a full frontal view, and another of your profile. From there, let Nudee “get to business … undressing you.” Uncomfortable yet?
In introducing the bizarre concept, Firebox asks: “Does the thought of getting naked make you nauseous? Or are you quite frivolous in flaunting a little flesh? With Nudee’s you can confidently show off your classy curves, your massive muscles, or your thin thighs without having to undo a button.” Because you shouldn’t have to be Caesar to have a statue of yourself in your residence (or better yet, your office).
Nudee notes that its statues are not toys, and are meant for display purposes only. And if you get something on your Nudee, you better find a non-water-based way to clean it. These figurines are not water resistant. Firebox notes, “Please avoid washing, sucking, taking them out in the rain or making them swim in the bath.”
As for verisimilitude, don’t worry — you won’t end up with some generic looking figurine — everything from your body type to your skin tone will be carefully matched to the best of Nudee’s ability. And to help out in the process, you’re encouraged to send in “well lit snaps.”
A few words to the wise, however. Because of the highly customized nature of the product, Nudee is “unable to offer [its] usual 30-day, no-quibble returns policy.” Moreover, if you wear glasses, lose them. Or at least, don’t expect them to come up in your 3D-printed nude full-body selfie. And finally, Nudee says, “Long, flowing locks may be cut short, you’ve always needed that haircut.”
So prepare to expose yourself to the world. And all without ever getting undressed.
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