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The only shows that could possibly be worse than ‘Rich Kids of Instagram’

the only shows that could possibly be worse than rich kids of instagram
If you’re not familiar with “Rich Kids of Instagram” it’s fairly self explanatory… and just as obnoxious as you think. It’s a Tumblr that collects images from Instagram of young people with obscene amounts of money flaunting said obscene amounts of money, by casually boarding yachts and private jets and wearing designers clothes that cost more than your yearly rent.

If you haven’t heard of it until now, buckle up, because you’re in for a ride that may make you feel a tingling, relentless impulse to engage in class warfare: “Rich Kids of Instagram” has inspired a reality TV show.

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E! is (obviously) producing it, and it will be called “Rich Kids of Beverly Hills.” Deadline reports the show will feature some of the familiar faces from the Tumblr, although it’s not actually directly involved with the Tumblr. “We are not associated with the E! show that was announced,” say the blog creators, so there may be some variation between who you see in the show and who is featured on the blog.

There’s no word on casting yet, but if the reality TV gods smile upon us perhaps Tom Hanks’ fratty rapper son Chet Haze (who has been featured on the blog) will make an appearance. Fairly well-known rich kids like Kendall Jenner and Barron Hilton have also been featured on the site, so it could be a high-profile group of grossly overprivileged youths. Fingers crossed, this guy shows up.

Now, inspiring a reality TV show doesn’t necessarily mean you get catapulted into Honey Boo Boo levels of fame. For every Snookie, there’s a Tess Taylor. Who? Exactly.

So just because the rich kids are getting a show doesn’t mean they’re going to push into the spotlight and permeate U.S. culture more than they already have. The series could go the way of the little-watched “NYC Prep.” Or it could spawn spinoffs and make its cast members temporary celebrities, like “Laguna Beach.”

They MIGHT get Kardashian famous. And the only reason they might is because we are giving them a chance at notoriety via the television. Considering the E! Network feeds off the tears of Z-list celebrities and may or may not be part of NBC Universal’s pact with Beezlebub to destroy human capacity for critical thinking through absolute garbage entertainment, it’s not surprising that this show is happening.

In fact, I’m surprised E! isn’t going for a whole line of equally insipid/inspired programming based on the Internet. So if they decide to branch out, I have a few suggestions:

Teen Screenshotters of SnapChat

snapchatleakedYou’ve heard they exist. Maybe you’ve ever met one. Take a peek into the seedy underworld of SnapChat screenshotters, and get to know the young men behind all the hoopla.

There’s bad boy Johnnie, who just can’t help himself. There’s straight-laced Justin, who suspects his girlfriend is cheating on him and is screenshotting her SnapChats in a totally misguided attempt at blackmail. And then there’s Vernon, who doesn’t know how his iPhone works and keeps pressing the buttons accidentally. Together, you wouldn’t believe the hijinks they get into and the privacy ethics they violate!

Trolls of OKCupid

Some people come on TV to look for love. Well, this ain’t “The Bachelor,” honey. These guys and gals may trawl OKCupid, but they’re not looking for romance, or even a casual connection to another human being… in fact, they don’t know what they’re looking for.

trolls of okcupid

They’re aimless wastes of human life who take pleasure in pestering and humiliating others, and as the series progresses, their day-to-day behavior will get more repellant until they actually all voluntarily quit and enter rehab for being total dickheads.

This is actually a prequel to a more serious program called “Emotional Healing with Dr. Draw.” Dr. Draw is not affiliated with Dr. Drew in any way. They both just HAPPEN to be orange, manipulative medical professionals.

Real Makeup Tutorial Biddies of YouTube

youtube makeup tutorialsSix girls, six MacBook Pros, and an unholy amount of makeup: but only one ultimate YouTube makeup tutorial star.

Viewers follow along with the waterproof eyeliner tips AND the dramaaaaaa in this audience-based competition. Who has the best mascara application technique demonstration? Who is re-filling their MAC eyeshadows with dollar store powder? Who accidentally burned their hair off with a flat-iron when they tried to record a segment drunk on a single Bacardi Breezer?

Watch as organic-makeup stylist Rachel puts snarky comments on Natalie’s ombre hair guide series and gets called out by her fellow competitors. Bite your nails as the girls enter a cut-throat “most whimsical nail polish” competition. Just don’t take all their makeup tips at once or you’ll look like Jocelyn Wildenstein.

 Spambots of Twitter

A passionate travelog following one spambot’s attempt to convince thousands – if not millions – of Twitter users to simply follow a precise set of diet tips to reveal a better body just in time for summer.

Along the way, he finds out he’s not alone – there are others like him. It’s the perfect mix of quixotic zeal and whimsy, but it’s also a coming-of-age tale, like “Wall-E” but with malware.

DAYS the time the time the time the time the time the time DAYS the time the time the time the time the time the time MALE, NO BED DAYS none

— Horse ebooks (@Horse_ebooks) August 6, 2013

Political Debaters of Facebook

Tired of seeing your acquaintances debate the merits of the electoral college on your Timeline? Sick of getting your lighthearted photos of the Gay Pride parade hijacked by your ignorant cousin and your well-meaning but overzealous gender-queer activist college roommate?

facebook debate

Enter them into this reality competition! People who decide to engage in unproductive political bickering in public Facebook posts will be forced to undergo a series of grueling contests until an arbitrary winner is declared. Losers are banned from ever watching cable news.

Hipsters of Tumblr

tumblr hipstersThis show will have a hard time choosing its stars. It will be a competitive yet passionateless endeavor – because, you know, I mean, I guess they’ll be on the show if you want them to, but they don’t even own a TV or watch TV or know what TV is so like … it’s whatever.

The show will only be shot between the hours of 10 p.m. and 8 a.m. We will watch as ambiguously dressed youth upload photos they took near the railroad tracks earlier and listen to Kreyshawn during the twilight hours. We will learn about their torrid romances and vague-attention-seeking-blog posts. We will watch as they take bathroom mirror pictures and find out just which animated GIF is their favorite. It will air on The Learning Channel and we will all feel very uncool watching it.

Wedding Planners of Pinterest

pinterest wedding showArmed with a bride and an Internet connection, a troupe of wedding planners compete to throw an entire wedding using nothing but Pinterest. That’s right, everything from hair ideas to place settings to music choices has to be found using the site. You get bonus points if you can recreate those mason jar light fixtures without crying.

Anyone who smashes their computer out of frustration is immediately eliminated.

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