One of the social Web’s favorite things, for better or worse, is the selfie. It is the reincarnation of the much abhorred “MySpace pic,” and it has became an unstoppable and acceptable way of documenting our digital lives – instead of telling people what you’re doing or where you are or what your favorite something is, you pose while doing your (mundane) thing and intentionally apply a photo filter to your shot that will make it look vintage.
While we’ve all been guilty of the self-gratifying fad once or twice, the fact that there are categories of selfies is incredibly upsetting. Take for example this new gem:
For the love of… bookshelfies? Really? The bookshelfie is just the latest in a long line of horrible selfie subgenres. Here are the worst of them in all their horrible, self-loving glory.
1. The bathroom selfie
This is the worst of the worst – do I even have to explain why? – so let’s just get this out of the way and move on. Actually, looking at the example above should lead us right to…
2. The duckface selfie
Since MySpace – the social network responsible for this fiasco of a fad – has gone through a makeover and has moved on to greener pastures, there really is no reason for people to keep reliving this facial expression that is neither cute nor sexy. Cheeks are meant to be fat and puffy people, so stop sucking air in and making your lips look like an anus.
3. The fitting room selfie
I get why you would think this would be totally fine (you are, after all, only asking for an opinion because you’re having such a hard time choosing), but unless your Instagram is restricted to your innermost circle of friends, you shouldn’t catalog your shopping options. One, because most of your followers won’t give a damn, and two, you’re opening yourself up to a slew of not-so-appropriate comments:
4. The winking selfie
Just because it’s not as adorable as you thought it would be. Really. Plus, we all know you aren’t actually winking because then the photo would have been blurred. You’re just sitting there with one eye closed like an idiot.
5. The see-food selfie
Nope, I don’t need to know how you process pasta. Just… no.
6. The crying selfie
Really? You’re miserable and inconsolable and the first thing you think of doing is documenting this heart-wrenching moment on Instagram? This will be terribly confusing for those who follow you – either they’re jerks for liking a photo of you crying (they’re pretty much liking the fact that you’re in pain) or they’re jerks for not liking your pic so you can feel validated and loved. Please, have some dignity and cry in the shower while sliding down the bathroom wall like a normal person. Also…crying about One Direction is… man, there are no words.
7. The sleeping selfie
Because you’re supposed to be sleeping. You lying liar.
