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Finding a needle in a haystack: These are the worst types of selfies

Jam Kotenko
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the worst type of selfies you can post selfie
One of the social Web’s favorite things, for better or worse, is the selfie. It is the reincarnation of the much abhorred “MySpace pic,” and it has became an unstoppable and acceptable way of documenting our digital lives – instead of telling people what you’re doing or where you are or what your favorite something is, you pose while doing your (mundane) thing and intentionally apply a photo filter to your shot that will make it look vintage.

While we’ve all been guilty of the self-gratifying fad once or twice, the fact that there are categories of selfies is incredibly upsetting. Take for example this new gem:

bookshelfie

For the love of… bookshelfies? Really? The bookshelfie is just the latest in a long line of horrible selfie subgenres. Here are the worst of them in all their horrible, self-loving glory.

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1. The bathroom selfie

This is the worst of the worst – do I even have to explain why? – so let’s just get this out of the way and move on. Actually, looking at the example above should lead us right to…

2. The duckface selfie

Since MySpace – the social network responsible for this fiasco of a fad – has gone through a makeover and has moved on to greener pastures, there really is no reason for people to keep reliving this facial expression that is neither cute nor sexy. Cheeks are meant to be fat and puffy people, so stop sucking air in and making your lips look like an anus.

3. The fitting room selfie

I get why you would think this would be totally fine (you are, after all, only asking for an opinion because you’re having such a hard time choosing), but unless your Instagram is restricted to your innermost circle of friends, you shouldn’t catalog your shopping options. One, because most of your followers won’t give a damn, and two, you’re opening yourself up to a slew of not-so-appropriate comments:

fitting room selfie

4. The winking selfie

Just because it’s not as adorable as you thought it would be. Really. Plus, we all know you aren’t actually winking because then the photo would have been blurred. You’re just sitting there with one eye closed like an idiot.

5. The see-food selfie

Nope, I don’t need to know how you process pasta. Just… no.

6. The crying selfie

Really? You’re miserable and inconsolable and the first thing you think of doing is documenting this heart-wrenching moment on Instagram? This will be terribly confusing for those who follow you – either they’re jerks for liking a photo of you crying (they’re pretty much liking the fact that you’re in pain) or they’re jerks for not liking your pic so you can feel validated and loved. Please, have some dignity and cry in the shower while sliding down the bathroom wall like a normal person. Also…crying about One Direction is… man, there are no words.

7. The sleeping selfie

Because you’re supposed to be sleeping. You lying liar.

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Jam Kotenko
Jam Kotenko
Former Digital Trends Contributor
When she's not busy watching movies and TV shows or traveling to new places, Jam is probably on Facebook. Or Twitter. Or…
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https://twitter.com/FabioMRagona/status/373177674107072512

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In fact, according to a recent poll, for the age from of 18 to 24, 30 percent of all photography is composed of selfies taken using a cellphone.

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It’s incredibly easy to hate on the selfie. It’s a ridiculous, narcissistic, attention-seeking display of self-adoration and America completely loves it. An upsettingly high number of the photos we’re taking and sharing via mobile devices are – surprise – of our dumb faces.
Now the occasional selfie indulgence is to be expected: You got a new haircut or new glasses or your Snapchat artistry couldn’t go unnoticed. But we’re quickly devolving into territory where everything is selfie-worthy: The “I’m in the driver’s seat!” selfie. The “I’m eating something!” selfie. The “it’s a Tuesday and I’m at my desk!” selfie.
There’s a damn time and a damn place, people. It’s not every waking moment, or even every fairly interesting waking moment.
And it’s certainly not at memorials.
An entire genre of “I’m at the memorial of an upsetting event that occurred in world history!” was unearthed this week and here’s hoping that we as humans will be shamed enough by these images to just stop it already.
A duckface at the Vietnam Memorial and throwing it up at Pearl Harbor are not by any stretch of the imagination OK. It’s like any sense of respect we had went out the window when we were handed phones with front-facing cameras.
“Wait… what’s this camera for?”
“That one’s so you can take pictures of yourself.”
“Wait… and what’s this app?”
“That’s called Instagram. It makes pictures look cool and people comment on them.”
And then suddenly, just like that, we became oblivious little monsters who need to document our faces in front of every-damn-thing – apparently including the Holocaust Memorial and Chernobyl. Or your grandma’s funeral. With your grandma – in her casket – in the back of the photo.
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
Not to get all TIME on you guys, but the level of depravity here is pretty astronomical. And it’s not just the fact that we’re (apparently) taking these selfies at wildly inappropriate places – that’s naturally going to happen when the percentage of photos we’re taking are of our faces is so high.  It's that we're not even registering the meaning of these places or events - that's all just the background to the main event! Those monuments and memorials and (seriously, gasp) caskets just happen to be there. Anne Frank who? This was her home? You don’t say – sorry I was busy trying to get a picture here, my face game is just really on today.
I don’t even think it’s that we’re at these incredibly important, historic places that motivates us to capture a selfie. Nope, it’s just your everyday, commonplace self-portrait. It was going to happen wherever you were, whether that was Starbucks or the Jefferson Memorial. Does it really matter?
Just go take a quick look at your Instagram profile. When you give it a once-over or glance at those changing tiles in the cover photo, do you just see yourself staring back? Does it look anything like this?
This makes it look like you never go anywhere worth taking a picture of, that you don't know anyone you'd want a photo of or with. What you’re essentially saying is “yes, yes my mug is more important than the Vietnam Memorial or my sister’s wedding.”
Because, I promise you, there was a meeting. We talked about it, and you just... you just need to stop.  

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