WTF, Internet? Technology is trying to make us even fatter than we already are

feedme delivery aggregator wtf internet online food

If you are, like me, a United States citizen, then you, like me, are aware that we are a nation of fatty fat fatties. Seriously, we like our fast food and we like it super-sized, greasy, and on the regular.

The Internet just goes hand-in-hand with this gluttony. I’m a healthy person who runs every day and drinks the appropriate amount of water, but there’s something about a a Netflix-binge while trolling Reddit AMAs and GIF blogs from my laptop that makes me want an impressive amount of Taco Bell (Crunch Wrap Supreme and two Meximelts no pico sauce, please and thanks!) laid before me. Heaven is some multi-screen overdosing accompanied by fourth meal, I swear.

So while I won’t judge you souls who want an infinite supply of Mountain Dew to accompany your hours-long COD sessions or a jumbo supply of Sour Patch Kids to absentmindedly eat while you stare at your online homework, I will call out the suppliers who are preying on our salt and sweet cravings with yet more technological bait.

To wit, Chili’s has tested tabletop tablets so that you can keep on ordering even if your waiter or waitress is otherwise occupied.

Yes, there is a convenience factor: You can immediately order and pay without human interaction, so after shoveling mozzarella sticks and a Triple Dipper into your mouth – salad on the side – you can get the eff outta there (to go buy a lifetime supply of Tums).

I promise, I will consume your terrible foods, no need to shove a tablet under my nose to make it easier.

But – shockingly – the idea is also to get you to buy and thus eat more of the product. It’s like little kids with those iPhone games; $20 for a new sticker? I want seven! According to a report, Chili’s execs said “dessert sales increased by as much as 20 percent” and a jump in the per-person average of the checks.

Because who needs social shame when they want to order that second brownie sundae?

The most famous purveyor of fast food burgers, McDonald’s, is testing a new mobile payment app so that you can order your meal before even going through the drive-thru. Then, you can just drive-thru and pick up food.

Because who has time to wait 30 seconds for a bag of burgers?

In perhaps the most ambitious ploy of them all, Burger King is testing a delivery service in select areas. Customers can order online or by phone between 11 a.m. and 10 p.m., as long as you’re buying at least $10 worth of BK (which is a lot of BK). Apparently it’s boosted sales.

Burger King DeliveryBecause who wants to actually leave their house after a bout of day drinking and subsequent craving for The King?

I’m not preaching some crazed message that we should all shop at Whole Foods and cut out carbs and do crossfit (ugh) and do the whole paleo diet thing (also, no, never ever ever ever). I’ll be completely honest: It’s 10 a.m. and I’m eatingchocolate covered gummy bears – because I’m writing this article and working, and having something to mindlessly gnaw on is part of the creative process (I’m pretty sure, look it up).

But that’s the problem. There are, oh I don’t know, say a million different things that are already there to encourage me to eat horribly. I already look at a screen enough, OK? I promise, I will consume your terrible foods, no need to shove a tablet under my nose to make it easier.

Easier, and more discreet. The subtle shame of having to say out loud “I would like… four Whoppers” is gone if you order online and get delivery. That third sugar-laden appletini might be embarrassing, but if you can tap your way there, then by all means, get yours!

Maybe some barriers are OK to have. If you want these foods – or a superfluous amount of them – you have to have the balls to own up to wanting them, not hide behind an app. It’s the only thing separating us from the human society in Wall-E, right?

Let’s just save a tiny ounce of self-respect. This is why we’re hot fat. 

The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not reflect the beliefs of Digital Trends.

Smart Home

Dear Instant Pot Smart: I love you. Thank you for changing my life

After taking the Instant Pot Smart WiFi Programmable Pressure Cooker for a spin, one long-time product reviewer finds much to love about the device she long coveted, despite that it’s not really that smart.
Smart Home

Uber Eats is testing a system for cheaper meal delivery

You know how Uber Pool offers cheaper trips if riders share a car? Well, Uber Eats is currently testing the same idea for meal delivery, and it could mean cheaper orders for customers.
Product Review

The Brava Oven takes all the thinking out of cooking

Using bulbs to cook food at different light frequencies, the Brava Oven lets even the clueless cook a tasty meal. But your own smart chef doesn’t come cheap.
Smart Home

Brew it fast, hot, and flavorful with our favorite coffee makers

Whether you're looking for a simple coffee maker to get you through the morning or a high-end brewer that will impress your taste buds and your friends, you'll find some of the best coffee makers around on this list.
Social Media

You can now share saved Facebook posts with a Pinterest-like collection tool

Facebook collections can now be shared with friends if you also want to allow them to contribute to the list. Facebook is rolling out an update that allows users to add a contributor to their collections, or lists of saved Facebook posts.
Mobile

Broadway actor tells Kanye West to get off his phone during opening night

Theater actors can get understandably upset when they spot someone in the audience fiddling with their phone instead of watching the show. The other night that audience member was Kanye West, and he got called out for it.
Social Media

This event topped Facebook’s biggest moments of the year — again

As the year comes to a close, Facebook is looking back on what users discussed most over the last year. For two years in a row, International Women's Day topped the list. So what else is on the list?
Social Media

This band owns Twitter, according to list of top accounts and tweets for 2018

What was the biggest buzz on Twitter in 2018? Twitter's 2018 Year in Review highlights the biggest tweets, accounts, and hashtags. The most-tweeted celebrities, movies, TV shows, athletes, politicians and more in Twitter's 2018 trends.
Social Media

What do yodeling and Kylie Jenner have in common? YouTube’s top 2018 videos

In a true nod to the variety found on YouTube, the platform's top 10 list of videos from 2018 range from celebrities to sports, from perfectly tossing a picture frame on the wall to a kid yodeling in aisle 12 at Walmart.
Home Theater

It took Tom Cruise to raise awareness of this troublesome TV setting

Tom Cruise, in an unexpected PSA tweet, asks you to turn off motion interpolation on your TV, but stops short of how to do it. Here's more on the topic, along with links to a guide on how to rid your TV of the dreaded "soap opera effect."
Computing

Make a GIF of your favorite YouTube video with these great tools

Making a GIF from a YouTube video is easier today than ever, but choosing the right tool for the job isn't always so simple. In this guide, we'll teach you how to make a GIF from a YouTube video with our two favorite online tools.
Business

Amazon scouted airport locations for its cashier-free Amazon Go stores

Representatives of Amazon Go checkout-free retail stores connected with officials at Los Angeles and San Jose airports in June to discuss the possibility of cashier-free grab-and-go locations in busy terminals.
Social Media

Snapchat facial recognition could soon power a new portrait mode, code suggests

Digging into Snapchat's code suggests a handful of upcoming camera features, including a portrait mode. The feature appears to use facial recognition A.I. to blur the background. The code also suggests an updated camera interface.
Computing

Google+ continues to sink with a second massive data breach. Abandon ship now

Google+ was scheduled to shut its doors in August 2019, but the second security breach in only a few months has caused the company to move its plan forward a few months. It might be a good idea to delete your account sooner than later.