'Fumito Ueda's Madden 2018' is the game we never knew we wanted

Fumito Ueda just saw the release of the PlayStation 4-exclusive The Last Guardian, a game that he had been working on for close to a decade, but it appears that the legendary director is taking no time off before starting on his next project. In a video from GDC created with sketch comedy group Mega64, Ueda revealed his “next project,” and while it may not be real, it would certainly be the weirdest game he has created to date.

“Today, I have an announcement to make,” Ueda says in Mega64’s video. “After many years of game design, I have finally been entrusted with a franchise that is near and dear to my heart. While still early in development, I would like to share with you some concept footage of this new project.”

As the “game footage” starts, we see several dark figures quickly scurrying along the ground. A cloaked person sprints through a grassy field elsewhere.

“They call themselves … the Steelers,” the narrator says as the cloaked man reveals himself to be a football player and the game’s title to be Fumito Ueda’s Madden 2018.

A cheerleader is being held in a cage near the side of the field, forced against her will to cheer on the Steelers — Pittsburgh is one of the only franchises in the NFL to not have cheerleaders.

“You are the chosen quarterback. Liberate her and take revenge,” the narrator says.

Serving as a blocker against the army of shadowy, smokey creatures, the quarterback charges forward with the cheerleader close behind. He quickly closes the “electrolyte portal” by giving the nearby head coach a Gatorade shower, then climbs a giant Rob Gronkowski and stabs him in the heart. We’re not sure that’s legal in football.

Will our hero be able to defeat the evil Ben Roethlisberger menace? Will he overcome Roger Goodell’s deception and reach the Super Bowl? We’ll never find out, because the game isn’t real, but Ueda claims the game is coming in 2028. That sounds about right.

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