Over the past few weeks, I’ve found myself at the receiving end of some weird gazes from total strangers. In my favorite coffee shop, the hospital cafeteria, and even on the park bench. And not the good kind of gaze. More like the one with a hefty tinge of ridicule, or even categorical disappointment at humanity’s corruption.
I won’t blame the humans passing by, or perched atop a seat next to me and sipping some weird iced concoction. I am to blame, at least partly, I believe. The culprit is my head gestures. Imagine the sight of a lone guy, typing furiously on a laptop, and he suddenly nods his head sideways repeatedly, without ever speaking a single word.
That guy is me. And those side-to-side, or up-and-down head gestures are just my frantic attempts to silence the robotic voice blasting the contents of a random notification into my ears through the AirPods. That’s a feature, by the way. But when engrossed in deep work, it comes at you like a monster with an intent to destroy your zen through the ear canal.
What is even happening?
With the arrival of iOS 18, Apple introduced a new gesture system to control notifications. Essentially, when a message or notification lands on your phone, Siri will read it out loud. It will do the same for notifications from other apps, such as Gmail. Or whichever app you choose to allow.
When the digital assistant starts reading the alert, you can decline the narration by moving your head sideways. And if you want to hear the contents, you just nod your head up and down, like an obedient child ready to lap up all the instructions the world has to offer.
Except, these gestures look terrible. Irrespective of whether you are sitting alone, in which case, you risk being seen and made fun of by total strangers. And if there’s a person sitting in front of (or people around) you, things can quickly go haywire.
I found myself entangled in both scenarios repeatedly in the past few weeks. Three days ago, while I was engaged in a text exchange with a colleague, Siri started announcing an absolutely mundane notification. Of course, I urgently started shaking my head, as if I wanted to convey a big “NO” to the universe.
The next moment, as I lifted my head, a gentleman at the next table was looking at me, bewildered, as if he wanted to ask me if everything was okay. When the same happened while sitting in front of my friend, he outright asked me, “What? Should I pause?”
He had no idea that my vehement head gesture was merely a denial to an AI assistant’s reading of my message, and not what my human companion was saying to my face. Of course, the damage was done, and I didn’t have any evidence to back my claims.
Help. I can’t fix it. Or myself!
I am one of those people who buy earbuds not for the musical nirvana promised by a weeping violin or some angelic crooning. I simply enable the noise cancellation to cut off the rambling from the world around and engage in deep work.
Apparently, that has also turned me into a person who wears their AirPods a little too much.
I am embarrassed about it, of course. At the same time, I can’t imagine working without the absolute serenity offered by the technological marvel that is Active Noise Cancellation. Imagine being engulfed in the warm embrace of total silence, and suddenly you hear a loud robotic voice uttering useless gibberish like “You’ve received a new email from Amazon. Read it?”
No, Siri. I don’t want to hear anything from an Amazon email. If it’s Amazon trying to give me a discount, I don’t want it. If it’s an order update, I’m not inclined to hear it. When the shopper inside me wakes up, I will open the Amazon app and gaze at the aftermath of my immoral spending.
Of course, with all that instantaneous hatred spilling into my ear, I would violently shake my head sideways to stop Siri’s notification narration as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the Siri announcement feature is also a godsend.
It’s hard to stay subtle
I keep my phone in the Reduce Interruptions mode perpetually. In this mode, only the priority notifications pass through selected apps. And to make sure that I don’t get distracted by the iPhone’s screen constantly lighting up due to the barrage of notifications, I flip the phone so that I don’t see the display at all.
With so much effort being poured into creating a distraction-free mindspace, I only leave enough space for Gmail, Teams, and Messages to pass through. I can’t miss an urgent text from my manager, or my family members. That’s where the Siri announcement feature essentially acts as a lifesaver.
But when it chooses to announce a random message from my telecom carrier, or an email from some obscure marketing agency pitching me yet another crypto evangelist, I want to nod in a “NO” at lightspeed. Or disable the feature forever. Except I can’t.
I won’t blame Apple or the AirPods for the embarrassment I’ve gone through. And it seems more such events are lined up in my future, unfortunately, because I won’t change my wayward ways. But if you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation and don’t know how to proceed, here’s the path to your nirvana: Settings > Siri (or Apple Intelligence & Siri) > Announce Calls or Announce Notifications.
As for me, I think I will ditch the AirPods in the near future and pick another pair of earbuds with good noise cancellation. I’ve grown quite fond of the OnePlus Buds 4, but I have yet to make the move and free myself from Siri’s bittersweet functional charm.
