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Twitter improves Apple’s digital assistant with #ThingsIWantSiriToSay

siri upgrade vocaliq ios smartphone iphone apple
Kārlis Dambrāns/Flickr
Twitter users are imagining the perfect digital assistant with the #ThingsIWantSiriToSay hashtag, which is currently trending with over 20,000 tweets.

From chasing away the post-breakup blues to actually helping coordinate your daily routine, the hashtag sees Twitter offer some idealistic and downright strange requests in its fictional conversation with Apple’s personal assistant.

#ThingsIWantSiriToSay "I heard about the break up. The chocolates and @netflix movies are on the way."

— Regina Spacola (@gigirules7) March 29, 2016

I added $20 dollars to your iTunes account because you haven't dropped me in over a week.


— Miss Monica (@monica_eden) March 29, 2016

One theme that kept popping up in the tweets was drunk texting and dialing. Twitter imagines a time when Siri can either prevent you from making the regrettable mistake of sending messages while under the influence, or at least console you in its hellish aftermath. Apple, if you’re listening, Twitter has spoken: Ditch the driverless car and work on transforming Siri into a designated texter.

You have been drinking. Abort text immediately. #ThingsIWantSiriToSay

— Shellie (@dirtroaddiva1) March 29, 2016

"I went back in time and deleted every messages you sent last night"
"And the drunk toilet selfies?"
"Yup, also gone"#ThingsIWantSiriToSay

— Lily Bailey (@LilyBaileyUK) March 29, 2016

When things do go awry, as they often inevitably do, it seems that all we want is a comforting form of (digital) love. Many of the tweets envision Siri as the ideal life coach and personal motivator. After all, if Siri can’t stop us from making an ass of ourselves when drunk, she should at least offer some words of support the morning after.

You can stay in bed. I cancelled everything. #ThingsIWantSiriToSay

— Sara Mansford (@SaraMansford) March 29, 2016

All the coolest people drink boxed wine. #ThingsIWantSiriToSay

— Holly Walker (@HollyelizWalker) March 29, 2016

Although a bunch of brands jumped on the bandwagon with their own humorless tweets about their products, it was Twitter’s general user base that offered the wittiest insights. However, there were some notable tweets from more popular accounts, including everyone’s favorite fictional sitcom star, BoJack Horseman. Even Donald Trump has jumped in on the action — well, a parody account to be precise — that envision’s the primary candidate’s insecurities when it comes to a certain part of his anatomy.

you are important and successful and everyone loves you #ThingsIWantSiriToSay

— BoJack Horseman (@BoJackHorseman) March 29, 2016

You've got the best hands! No, really, they are beautiful hands!#ThingsIWantSiriToSay

— Donald J. Trump I (@realDomaIdTrump) March 29, 2016

The buzz around the trending hashtag has seen Twitter devote its own Moment to it, where you can view a smaller selection of the tweets curated by the platform itself.

"Siri I'm bleeding bad, call me an ambulance"

Siri: "Ok from now on I'll call you 'An Ambulance' "#ThingsIWantSiriToSay"

— Gordon Heliotrope (@GordoHelio) March 29, 2016

#ThingsIWantSiriToSay Your Twitter is lit right now. Would you like me to schedule another fire tweet?

— ℕUFF$AID (@nuffsaidNY) March 29, 2016

Apple introduced its digital personal assistant to the world four years ago with the launch of the iPhone 4S in 2011. Despite the initial hype, the computer program with a female voice has since become more of a novelty, with more focus on its quirks and inabilities than its actual practical benefits. As the trending Twitter hashtag shows, we’re all still interested in talking with Siri, we just wish it had something notable to say back to us.

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