Pop on your monacle, Count Homer, Bugatti’s ‘Dynamic Drive Experience’ is now open

Bugatti is virtually inaccessible, not only to you but also to the super-wealthy.

Before you can even plop your chino-covered butt into a Veyron, you have to pass a rigorous background check by the dealership. Essentially, the dealer wants to know if you’re even worth enough to consider buying one.

Sadly, unlike Homer Simpson, you can’t simply pop on a manacle and refer to yourself as a count in order to procure a test drive.

“What advantages does this motorcar have over, say, a train, which I could also afford?” – Count Homer

Turns out, though, Bugatti wants to give potential buyers a bit more of an experience than a thorough vetting. The French automaker developed an exclusive driving program called ‘The Dynamic Drive Experience’ for “ultra-high net worth individuals” and “enthusiasts of exclusive super sports cars”, according to Autoweek.

What does such a program entail? Bugatti throws qualified car enthusiast behind the wheel of the Veyron Grand Sport Vitesse for some close road course driving, as well as some open runway runs, to test the full potential of the ultimate hypercar. In addition to an afternoon runabout, drivers also get access to an actual Bugatti test driver.

The first of these Bugatti clinics took place in Las Vegas last month. Bugatti plans to hold four Dynamic Drive Experience events each year throughout the U.S. and Canada.

Where and when will the next one be? It’s scheduled for in the American southwest in early 2014. So you probably don’t have enough time to make your first several million by then, sorry.