These rides should (not) be rockin’: The 10 worst cars for Valentine’s Day sexy time

Like communism and amusement parks, car sex is usually better in theory than it is in practice. Sure, some vehicles are better than others for doing the deed, but for the most part, our daily drivers are too cramped, too awkward, and too public for a successful rendezvous. At best, they should be used as a last resort.

We’re certainly not here to bash on anyone’s personal choices, but we are here to provide a service. If you’re going to get down in a car, do it right. In no particular order, these are the worst choices for automotive sexy time.

P.S. Thanks to the Digital Trends staff for the oddly specific (and extremely personal) suggestions.

Peel P50

Peel-P50_

If you’re looking for something with less space than an airplane bathroom and none of the amenities, you’ll love the Peel P50. The smallest production car ever made, the one-seat, one-door coupe (yes, one door) is a bad choice for Valentine’s Day for its compact dimensions alone, but its complete lack of sex appeal will also get you laughed out of the most eccentric dogging circles.

During its initial production run in the 1960s, the P50 was advertised as having room for “one adult and a shopping bag,” which doesn’t exactly leave a lot of room for extracurricular activities. However, the vehicle’s puny profile would be easy to hide if you can’t help yourself, and it’d make for a great story to tell over drinks later.

1992 – 1995 Dodge Viper

1995-Dodge-Viper_

Who here likes third-degree burns with their sex? Nobody? Yeah, didn’t think so.

The Dodge Viper earns its spot on our list for several reasons — a cramped cabin and harsh ride among them — but we’ve singled out the Phase 1 version for its infamous exhaust system. In an effort to give the coupe a brutish performance car attitude, Dodge routed the exhaust pipes along the sides of the car, which were known to get very hot and burn the calves of its occupants as they exited. Unless you have a very specific fetish, you may want to spring for the Phase II Viper, which had a more conventional muffler at the rear. Think of it as a good place to start a discussion with your date about how “exhaust ports” can be… used differently.

Reliant Robin

Reliant-Robin_

Safe sex is important, but for this one, you may want protection on both of your heads. A car should be relatively stable if you’re going to fornicate inside of it, and given the Reliant Robin’s tendency to fall over during any sort of cornering, the vehicle’s tipsy persuasions mean it’s probably not the best choice for a Valentine’s Day romp. There is a van version of the three-wheeler, though, if you’re into that sort of thing.

P45 from Top Gear

Thought the Peel P50 was the smallest car in the world? You’re right (according to Guinness), but only for production vehicles. Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson took the P50’s title as a challenge, so during Series 19 of the show, he built an even smaller vehicle called the P45. Based on a quad bike, the P45’s features minimal bodywork designed to wrap around to driver, making it easy to maneuver, but absolutely terrifying to drive in traffic. Heck, you’d have a difficult time getting sexy with yourself in this thing, much less another person.

Any Popemobile

2012-Renault-Kangoo-Maxi-Z.E._

Hey now, get your mind out of the gutter. We’re saying don’t have sex in the back of Popemobile. You know, out of respect. Who’d disagree with that?

In all seriousness, a Popemobile is a bad choice here because nearly all of them feature a transparent glass canopy for presentation purposes, which would put your mating display out there for everyone to see. They’re also constantly flanked by security teams, who would put a stop to your hanky-panky quicker than you can say “Vatican City.” Read more here.

Home Theater

Yamaha’s MusicCast Vinyl 500 turntable spreads analog joy throughout your home

It can be tough to listen to your favorite analog tunes anywhere besides the room where your turntable is located. With its MusicCast Vinyl 500 turntable, Yamaha allows you to stream your tunes throughout your home.
Photography

Here are 8 GoPro tips to get the most out of your action cam

There's more to your GoPro camera than just mounting it to your skateboard. Whether it's finding the best accessories or understanding the settings more thoroughly, learn to shoot video like a pro with these simple GoPro tips and tricks.
Mobile

Here’s how to download podcasts and listen to them on Android or iOS

Podcasts have become a cultural staple. Here's how to download podcasts and listen to them on your Android or iOS device, and which apps to use if you're looking to get the most out of the format.
Home Theater

Banish the bunny ears (and monthly bills) with these excellent HD antennas

When transitioning away from cable and satellite, finding the best HDTV antenna for your area can be touch. To help, we've compiled our picks of the best indoor HDTV antennas you can buy.
Home Theater

Spotify adds simplified Car View mode for Android users

What was once just a test is now a reality: Spotify is rolling out a new, simplified in-car user interface for all Android users called Car View, which automatically engages when the app detects a car Bluetooth connection.
Cars

Boutique carmaker Karma Automotive, legendary design firm Pininfarina team up

Karma Automotive is partnering with legendary Italian design firm Pininfarina on future luxury cars. The first product of that partnership will appear later this year, Karma said, without offering other details.
Cars

Driving Daimler’s 40-ton eCascadia big rig isn’t just fun, it’s electrifying

Daimler Trucks brought its all-electric eCascadia semi-truck to the 2019 CES, and invited us to take the wheel. What does it feel like to drive one? Simply electrifying, of course.
Cars

Sibling rivalry: 2019 BMW Z4 takes on the 2020 Toyota Supra

BMW and Toyota forged an unlikely partnership when they set out to build a sports car platform together. Here, we examine the similarities and differences between the 2019 Z4 and the 2020 Supra.
Cars

Tesla cuts workforce by 7 percent, ends referral program to trim costs

Tesla has announced plans to trim its workforce by seven percent, and it will end the referral program that rewards customers who help it sell cars. These measures are ways to cut costs and boost profits.
Cars

Worried about commuting in winter weather? Nissan has the answer

The Nissan Altima midsize sedan is now available with all-wheel drive. To advertise that fact, Nissan's Canadian division slapped some tank-like tracks on an Altima to create a one-off show car.
Emerging Tech

Too buzzed to drive? Don’t worry — this autonomous car-bar will drive to you

It might just be the best or worst idea that we've ever heard: A self-driving robot bartender you can summon with an app, which promises to mix you the perfect drink wherever you happen to be.
Cars

Lyft and Aptiv’s self-driving car program has come a long way (but not far enough)

Many companies talk about self-driving cars, but Lyft and Aptiv are already using a fleet of them to transport paying customers in Las Vegas. Hop in for a close look at the tech of autonomous cars, and the challenges they face.
Cars

Michigan OKs digital license plates with Rplate’s connected car platform

The state of Michigan approved the use of digital license plates on motor vehicles registered in the state. Reviver Auto, the manufacturer of the Rplate connected car platform, worked with Michigan's Department of State to pass the bill.
Cars

This Chevy Silverado pickup truck is made from more than 300,000 Lego bricks

To promote The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, Lego and Chevrolet teamed up on a life-size replica of the automaker's Silverado pickup truck made from more than 300,000 plastic bricks.
1 of 2