Twitter, abusing the #asksnowden Q&A is why we can’t have nice things

By Kate Knibbs June 17, 2013

PRISM leaker and current Hong Kong resident Edward Snowden fielded questions from the public today in a Twitter Q & A organized by The Guardian. What an exciting opportunity to ask our generation’s (maybe) Dan Ellsberg about his motivations! What else he learned about the NSA? Does he expect to be prosecuted?

There are plenty of thoughtful questions we as a Twitter collective can ask the man who told us that the government’s surveillance efforts were far more extensive than many thought. But everyone on Twitter is a smartass.

While many people asked thoughtful questions, many… well, did not, and I just watched the Miss USA pageant so my standards for inane questions and answers are low.

Here’s a smattering of some of the TOP tweets at Snowden:

#AskSnowden should I wear a navy Polo shirt or a pink Lacoste throwback rugby jersey to my date tonight?

— cheeteur! (@cheeteur) June 17, 2013

#AskSnowden Chipotle or Qdobo? This is a matter of life and death its almost lunchtime

— Amanda Sarmiento (@KsuAmanda) June 17, 2013

#AskSnowden I have this mole on my neck, it’s oozing quite a bit, should I get it checked out?

— Andrew! (@Avollavanh) June 17, 2013

#AskSnowden Is the tootsie pop owl correct? it only takes three licks to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop oris it all a lie?

— SK9 Perim Functions (@SK9PerimFunctio) June 17, 2013

OK, this one made me laugh, even though we need to lay off the Snowden girlfriend thing:

#AskSnowden How are you able to keep the goatee AND remain in a relationship with a woman? Asking for men everywhere.

— Ryan Nickum (@ryannickum) June 17, 2013

The age old inquiry:

#AskSnowden Can I hit it in the mornin’ without giving you half of my dough and even worse if I was broke would you want me?

— Sax Mouse (@SaxMouse) June 17, 2013

And here’s X-Files humor. Somehow even more inappropriate considering the whole Snowden situation seems like it’d fit well in an early X-Files myth-arc:

OK did Cigarette Smoking man REALLY make sure the Buffalo Bills’d never win a Superbowl? And what’s w/ that black oil? #AskSnowden #NSAfiles

— Becca Piano (@BeccaPiano) June 17, 2013

#AskSnowden how many of my exs are checking out my myspace profile???

— v sensitive (@timmeehan666) June 17, 2013

Vaguely more on topic than most:

#AskSnowden Why is waterboarding illegal, but SPANX are not?

— The Morning Spew (@TheMorningSpew) June 17, 2013

Cosmopolitan magazine, an (ostensible) actual news source, asked this question and cemented its status as The Worstttttttttttttt:

@guardian Can’t help but wonder abt the interpersonal repercussions of your decision. What msg would you send your girlfriend? #AskSnowden

— Cosmopolitan (@Cosmopolitan) June 17, 2013

This one might be my favorite, but it’s definitely not a worthy use of a LEGITIMATE GOVERNMENT WHISTLEBLOWER’S TIME:

hard “g” or soft “g” #asksnowden

— Alex Pareene (@pareene) June 17, 2013

(Full disclosure, I re-tweeted it.)

Lest you look at these tweets and feel once again resigned to the fact that snark is now our new national register, there were also some very thoughtful questions posed at Snowden, and you can check out a summary of his answers to non-ridiculous questions at the Guardian’s website.

And in case you thought being a snarkaholic snarkmaster is just a Twitter thing, somebody already made a meme based on something Snowden said in the Q&A (to be fair, it’s a pretty out-there thing to say):

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