Home > Opinion > How to Send Your Wife or Girlfriend to Sweden for…

How to Send Your Wife or Girlfriend to Sweden for the Weekend

VIA just launched a contest that could be a win-win deal for anyone lucky enough to succeed. If you are like me, you have a wife or girlfriend who just doesn’t “get” gaming. Who for some strange reason thinks your hours spent on the PC in the evening protecting the world from criminals and alien invaders is just one colossal waste of time. However, she finds shows like Oprah, Dr. Phil, and The View fascinating, and they have nothing to do with protecting the planet and artistically blowing the crap out of the virtual landscape!     Well, VIA has a program for us (if we are lucky). You see they just launched the “Get the Girls into the Game” contest and you can sign up for it here www.girlzgaminghouse.com .   If you win, your significant other will be shipped kicking and screaming to Sweden where she will be put into gaming boot camp at the Home of Chrome, and have the “Girlz of Destruction” as trainers.     If things work out, she will return ready to share the gaming experience with you, and cover your back when you are in those very difficult frag fests. She may also be less inclined to ask you to step away from your PC for unimportant things like eating, sleeping, and having “conversations.”      Even if the training doesn’t hold, you’ll have a free weekend where you can play straight through for over 48 hours of destruction and mayhem. The only pauses will be to toss cans of food at the pets and kids (most pets and kids can chew through cans if they are hungry enough, and it teaches self reliance in case we ever are invaded by aliens).     To enter you only have to answer a few simple questions and then write a short essay on: “What Female Deserves the Most a Visit to the Home of Chrome and Why?   Example Submission:    If you need help, here is an example of what I think would be a wining submission:   Please take Mary into the Home of Chrome and teach her to revel in the glory of PC gaming. She is blind to the wonders of meeting interesting new people on-line and killing them only to have them rise so she can kill them again and again.      Her anger is often misdirected at trivial things like toilet seats, missed anniversaries and birthdays, and the occasional shipment of our children by FedEx to her parents. This anger needs to be directed at important things like game characters and a refrigerator with no beer in it.   She needs to improve her aim with a variety of virtual weapons and it wouldn’t hurt if her aim with household objects be aimed in a better direction as well.     For the sanctity of our marriage and safety of the Galaxy she must be brought into the light and taught the wonders of high resolution graphics and ever more powerful PCs. In this case she may be able to better understand the incredible national importance of upgrading our, now out of date, February 2006 PC with a better graphics card, faster processor, 42’ fast LCD monitor, and a sound system strong enough to blow our pets and neighbors into the next solar system.     It isn’t for myself I ask, but for her own sake. She will then be able to learn the wonders of becoming one with the game, having eyes that won’t focus beyond 3 feet, and night blindness in the middle of the day. All while developing the desire to keep the past, present, and future earth safe from evil.   I beg you to consider my plea and accept Mary into your program. By so doing, you will be sending a message to gaming husbands everywhere that hope can be found in Sweden at the Home of Chrome, and with the “Girlz of Destruction.” 

The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not reflect the beliefs of Digital Trends.