The holidays can be stressful for all families, sometimes bringing out the worst in us. But in many Christmas movies, the families act like borderline psychopaths and are horrible people. Admittedly, that’s half the reason why we like holiday movies. For some reason during the Christmas season, we let Hollywood get away with presenting some truly demented family dynamics.
So the next time you think there’s nothing worse than dealing with your perpetually grumpy uncle who flew in from Florida, just remember that your family never accidentally forgot you at home while they left for Europe, or fought with an old lady for a canned ham, or kidnapped their boss because they didn’t get a holiday bonus. Here are five seriously awful families in holiday movies (that we still love).
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5. The McCallister family in Home Alone (1990)
Everyone knows the classic Home Alone, where Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin) is accidentally left home alone during the holidays while his family takes a trip to Paris. This act is insanely egregious all on its own. To drive to the airport, wait at the airport, board the plane, and let the plane take off — all while still holding the boarding pass for your son who isn’t with you – is mind-bogglingly atrocious. The McCallisters should have had child services called on them.
But even worse, the first 15 minutes of the movie are just Kevin being mercilessly harassed and tormented by his family, and then he gets blamed for it! Imagine having Uncle Frank yell at you, having everyone eat all your cheese pizza, or hearing “Kevin, you’re such a disease.” At one point, Kevin finally fights back against his brother Buzz, who has been bullying him all night. But after standing up for himself, Kevin’s mom forces him to stay locked away in the attic all night, while Buzz doesn’t get in trouble at all.
Two years later, Kevin’s family lost him again, proving that the McCallisters might be one of the worst families in Hollywood history. With the right lighting and soundtrack, Home Alone could be a gripping Oscar-winning drama about an unloved child forced to care for himself.
4. The Griswold family in Christmas Vacation (1989)
The poor Griswold family never seems to catch a break. But Christmas Vacation is easily their most unruly (and hilarious) misadventure in the franchise. Imagine being Clark (Chevy Chase) and having your wife’s parents hate you, having a homeless brother who suddenly arrives in a trailer with his family, and having neighbors who think you’re a hillbilly despite your high-paying job in downtown Chicago. Can you really blame him for snapping?
Even worse, Clark has a bit of an episode after discovering that he’s not getting a Christmas bonus this year. To “help” him, his brother decides to kidnap his boss, thus incriminating Clark and his family as accomplices in a pretty severe crime.
But even before that, so much more goes wrong. Christmas Vacation has road rage, exploding sewers, electrocuted cats, Christmas tree fires, a burnt turkey, and a dastardly squirrel who somehow manages to cause more chaos than all of that combined. It’s basically the Christmas from hell, which equates to comedy gold for viewers.
3. The Krank family in Christmas with the Kranks (2004)
Before being adapted into a movie, Christmas with the Kranks was a bizarre holiday novella. The book is titled Skipping Christmas, and was written by John Grisham, who is best known for his mass-market legal and political thriller novels. But in Skipping Christmas, he tells the story of the Krank parents, who learn that their daughter is joining the Peace Corps and won’t be home for Christmas.
After getting the news, Luther (Tim Allen) and Nora (Borderlands star Jamie Lee Curtis) decide to skip Christmas. No decorations, no presents, no holiday party, nothing. For most people, this would go unnoticed, but apparently the Kranks live in a petty, privileged, insufferable suburb where their decision causes absolute fury in the neighborhood. It’s like Grisham was so used to writing villainous characters that he forgot you’re supposed to actually like people in holiday stories.
The Kranks and their neighbors engage in Christmas combat and nonsense ensues, including a full-blown hostage situation involving a Frosty the Snowman decoration, a walkway that’s been purposefully iced to make the neighbors fall, a frozen feline, and a group of unrelenting carolers who are dead-set on forcing the Christmas spirit upon the Kranks.
Even worse, the Kranks learn that their daughter is coming home for Christmas after all and they desperately try to put together a holiday party with only a few hours’ notice. Nora is forced to fight an old lady in a grocery store for a canned ham and Luther almost dies trying to put up Frosty by himself. Christmas with the Kranks proves that sometimes holiday movies aren’t just about awful families, they’re about awful neighbors too.
2. The Stone family in The Family Stone (2005)
The Family Stone is a holiday rom-com, but it’s also a film about horrible, selfish a**holes who are so cringy that you kind of end up liking them? The movie revolves around a group of adult children returning home for Christmas. But this year, Everett (Dermot Mulroney) is bringing home his high-strung Manhattan girlfriend, Meredith (Sarah Jessica Parker).
SJP is awful in this movie, and I’m not talking about bad acting. In fact, she’s awful because she plays her role as a crappy person so well that you actively hate her the entire film. She makes some demeaning remarks about deaf people, she can never relax, she’s always upset and uncomfortable, and then there’s that dinner scene that needs to be seen to be believed.
Meredith starts to go off on a homophobic rant that visibly upsets the family, but she can’t stop. Instead, she tries to justify her comments, only digging her hole deeper until the father (Craig T. Nelson) shuts her up. The scene is so real and raw that you’ll flinch just watching it. The family already hated her before, but that dinner pushes everyone over the edge.
Meredith gets so upset that she ends up calling her sister (Claire Danes) to come help, and Everett immediately starts to fall in love with her. But it’s OK because Everett’s brother Ben (Luke Wilson) starts to fall in love with Meredith. It’s just some casual brother-sister romantic-partner-swapping stuff, happy holidays!
Despite all this, The Family Stone is actually pretty engaging. It’s weird and messy, but lots of people are weird and messy, so the movie ends up feeling incredibly real. Whether that’s a good or bad thing, that’s up to you.
1. The Langston family in Jingle All the Way (1996)
In Jingle All the Way, Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a father who is so tied up at work that he hardly has any time for his wife and son. To be fair, the movie implies that his wife (Rita Wilson) doesn’t work, so it’s a little unfair for her to demand that he be the sole supporter of the family and be available for all their son’s school and extracurricular activities.
To make it up to his son, Howard wants to get the hottest toy on the market, the Turbo Man action figure. The only problem is that it’s Christmas Eve and the toy is so popular that it’s sold out everywhere and there are thousands of other parents desperate to find one too.
To get the toy, Howard will do pretty much anything, including getting involved with a black market dealer and posing as a police officer. At one point, he even considers stealing his neighbor’s toy. Even worse, his nemesis, postal worker Myron (Sinbad), goes to even crazier lengths to get the doll, including telling police officers he’s got a bomb (try that in post-9/11 America).
Making Jingle All the Way even crazier is the fact that just a few weeks after the movie’s release in 1996, a real toy craze began for the Tickle Me Elmo doll. Parents fought in stores, chased delivery trucks, and spent thousands for the toy, proving that awful parents don’t just exist in movies … they’re all around us!
