These new Cabbage Patch dolls have creepy LCD eyes that will haunt your dreams

By Lulu Chang Published February 12, 2016

Pediophobic? Read no further. Even for those of you who don’t have a distressing fear of dolls, you may still be disturbed by what technology has done to a childhood favorite. You see, Cabbage Patch Kids are coming back, but they’ve gotten a 21st century makeover. And unfortunately, that includes tiny sensors, speech abilities, and even a companion app. But it’s the eyes — the eyes — where the terror (or the magic, depending on your vantage point) really happens.

As originally reported by Mashable, the Cabbage Patch Kids reboot is a product of Israel-based company Seebo, which decided to bring back one of the most beloved toys of generations past. And while the goal may have been to elicit some sense of nostalgia, sometimes it’s better to leave things in the day and age in which they belong. Or at the very least, not try to modernize them beyond recognition. The dolls’ “wide-eyed LCD eyes” are described by Mashable as “a little off-putting,” but that feels like a euphemism for “really, really creepy.”

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Or maybe that’s just what dolls these days look like.

The Cabbage Patch Kids Baby So Real Doll (yes, that’s the full name) will make its official debut this weekend at the New York City International Toy Fair, and you’ll be able to see the modernized prototype complete with touch sensors on its feet, cheeks, legs, back, and forehead. When the dolls gets “sick,” children can pretend to play mother, father, or doctor by giving them pretend medicine using the spoon accessory, and if you need Baby So Real to go to bed, her motion sensor will assist in the process.

The companion app effectively serves as a baby monitor, because your kids are never too young to start parenting, or at least learning the related tech skills. And if you make the baby super happy, you’ll earn “Baby Points,” which you can use as a virtual currency to buy the tyke new clothes, room decorations, or even a pet.

So no, this isn’t the Cabbage Patch Kid of your childhood. But it may just land among kids of the digital age.

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Fascinated by the effects of technology on human interaction, Lulu believes that if her parents can use your new app…

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