Guys, last night’s episode of “King of the Nerds” a.k.a Quasi Dorky People Doing Fun Stuff, was the most terrifying episode yet. Most of it can be summed down to three words: White. People. Dancing.
The theme this week, for some strange reason, was rhythm – because that’s exactly what nerds are known for (not). The first challenge required our teams to write their own anthems, record them, and learn a choreography. If you guys want to know what the epitome of nightmares is, it’s watching Virgil slow-read his lines in monotone while sucking your soul via a stare through the camera lens. “We’ll see what we can do with autotune,” their music producer says of his singing. Over on the Orange team, Danielle is a blogger so at least their lyrics had some verbal sass. Now comes the part about dancing.
I should note that not every one on the show is white, but it slowly becomes apparent Moogega is the only one who could at least do a “body roll.” Danielle, who stresses over her inability to drop down and get her eagle on, says that she may not be able to dance but she can rap. Shudder. Everyone puts own these ridiculous school girl/boy and “gangsta rap” outfits, looking like total fools.
During the live performances, the Blue team has written an extremely PG anthem about talking nerdy. The Orange team, however, takes it in a completely opposite direction – throwing cuss words every three lines, boasting major attitude, and lacking the obvious autotune in Blue team’s song. Orange team also got more reactions from the crowd, with audible laughs coming from lyrics as oppose to laughs that were directed at Virgil for his damn awful singing. The three random guest judges decide the Orange team’s anthem was, without a doubt, more clever.
Both of the Orange and Blue team decide the two people sent to elimination will likely be Virgil and Genevieve (Celeste says she’s laying low, although this decision is an obvious diss to her capabilities). When this is in fact true, the hosts reveal that the elimination challenge will be a round of Xbox Kinect’s Dance Central 3. Fun! Virgil gets a smirk on his face – coincidentally, he was just playing Dance Central earlier in the episode – and Genevieve makes the biggest sturgeon face ever witnessed on reality television. She’s not confident in her dancing abilities, and says it would be really dumb to go home because of that. Almost as dumb as crying on national television about it. But it’s okay, because Celeste is a gamer (haven’t you heard? She’s said this at least 100 times since the show started) and she’ll help train her girl to get her motion control on point.
In the end, the scores came in pretty close but Virgil misses the Flawless Finish stance by half a second and loses about 30,000 bonus points. Our fallen hero with oddly perfect blonde highlights gets sent home, leaving Ivan the only guy left in Nerdvana. But that’s not all! From here on out, it’s every nerd for themselves as the team system gets dissolved. So much for your pact now, Celeste and Genevieve.
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