Nowadays, almost everyone has a go-to news app and a preferential map application. Most people probably don’t have an app to help protect them from the common cold, however, or even an app to prevent them from drunk dialing their ex after a pub crawl. Such being the case, we’ve rounded up the best apps on the market to help you become a better proto-cyborg.
Drunk Mode
Drunk Mode is one of the best apps on the market for protecting you from your less debonair self. The app allows you to track your drunk friends via GPS, find a party in your area, and even lock select contacts, thus preventing the unsavory drunk dial in the wee hours of the night.
The Find a Party feature even includes a slew of real-time heat maps, allowing you to see how busy a spot is and the guy-to-girl ratio. Go full-on Drunk Mode, and you’ll feel like you’ve entered an invincibility cheat for the night — and it won’t simply be the dopamine from that cocktail hitting your pre-frontal cortex.
Photomath
Photomath is a great way to never learn how to actually do math. If that sounds like something you’re into, well, you’re in luck. Simply use your camera phone to scan a math problem and Photomath will do the mystifying calculations on your behalf. After all, Mauchly and Eckert didn’t design the first rudimentary computer so future generations of humans would need to remember the Pythagorean theorem. The app will even provide you with step-by-step calculations in addition to your answer, allowing you to see the entire process rather than just the end result. Showing your work has never been easier.
Next Glass
Next Glass is a great app for beer and wine connoisseurs. The app stores an inventory of more than 10,000 libations, each of which is registered by its chemical makeup. If you list all of your favorite drinks, Next Glass will develop a personalized palate according to your preferences. The app will even suggest new beers and wines based on your Taste Profile.
Flush
Sometimes you just need to find a bathroom on the fly. Thankfully, Flush does just that. The app will point you toward the nearest lavatory in your vicinity, and users can even rate the restrooms around town to ensure you’re only occupying the choicest of public porcelain. RunPee is a similar app that you can use while at the cinema. The app will let you know when to urinate during your movie, thus keeping you from missing the best scenes.
Pizza Compass
Americans consume nearly 12 pounds of mozzarella cheese per capita annually, which isn’t particularly surprising given how much people love pizza. Thankfully, Pizza Compass has one purpose: to direct you toward that next elusive slice. Don’t feel too guilty about your pizza-centric lifestyle, either. According to Congress, pizza now counts toward your daily intake of vegetables. A true testament to our devolution.
Fake Call
Small talk is an unfortunate byproduct of our species’ intrinsically social nature. Unfortunately, sometimes we just don’t have the time or patience to chit chat with whoever from wherever. The next time you run into that fleeting acquaintance from yesteryear, simply activate Fake Call and your phone will ring and the display will react as if you were receiving an actual phone call. “I’ve got to take this. Let’s do lunch sometime.”
The ensuing cold, make-believe conversation with yourself will probably be more fulfilling.
Flotsm
Tired of making decisions for yourself? Flotsm takes the troublesome toiling out of your day-to-day activities by simply crowdsourcing your existence. Scrambled eggs or sunny-side up? Is this puka shell necklace holding me back? Should I ask Meg from the office out for Tex-Mex? Simply input your question and a team of strangers will let you know. Humans are known for their exceptional intellect and couth — after all, we have made it this far. What’s the worst that could happen? #YODO
Sickweather
Sick employees cost the U.S. economy about a quarter of a trillion dollars annually, according to the CDC. For the sake of perspective, that’s roughly the total annual GDP of Palau, an island country that straddles the eastern shore of Philippines. That being said, you don’t need to be a mysophobe to enjoy Sickweather.
The informative app pushes real-time alerts whenever you enter a “sick zone,” keeping you in the know regarding recent flu outbreaks, whooping cough, and countless other illnesses. And just because you got your flu shot this year doesn’t mean you’re immune. In fact, the CDC finally admitted that flu shots only work 50-percent of the time.
