Ouch: X-ray shows where stupid prisoner decided to hide a smuggled phone

While a guest of Her Majesty at Manchester’s Strangeways prison in the U.K., Stephen Cavanagh was looking for a sneaky place to hide a smuggled mobile phone, and decided the place where the sun doesn’t shine was the ideal spot. At this point, he was probably pretty pleased with his ruse. However, it didn’t last.

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He soon began to experience stomach pains, and of course, sought the advice of doctors at the prison. The staff were concerned he may have gallstones, which could quickly be diagnosed with an x-ray. Now, if you had inserted a fairly large solid object up your bottom and left it there while going about your daily business, you’d probably expect a few twinges now and then. Obviously not Cavanagh, who in a stroke of absolute genius, also didn’t have the foresight to remove the offending item before visiting the doctors.

Rather than spotting gallstones, doctors had what’s described in the Manchester Evening News as, “a very clear picture of a mobile phone with the keypad, screen, and speaker,” on the screen. Ouch. Even at this point, it seems the prisoner was confident his gross secret was still safe, and officers had to show him the x-ray to inform him the game was, quite literally, up.

As we all know, what goes up, must come down, and — apologies if you’re eating at the moment — the prisoner was taken to segregation and, “managed to eject the phone from his system and flush it down the toilet.” A check with a security wand proved nothing metallic remained in his possession. Cavanagh, already serving more than two years, got another six months aded to his sentence for his efforts.

Just a reminder, don’t try this at home, especially if you own an iPhone 6S Plus or a Galaxy Note.