Sheen fired from Two and a Half Men

Warner Bros., the studio behind the hit comedy Two and a Half Men, is apparently not cool enough to handle Charlie Sheen anymore. But then again, who is? The bi-winning actor has made the magnificent decision to use all the media outlets of the world to film what is either the most epic self-destruction in the history of Hollywood, or the first step to a new religion based around the awesomeness that is Sheen. But it now appears that the actor will have to find a new source of income to support himself and “the goddesses”, as Warner Bros. has decided to terminate the actor’s services.

“After careful consideration, Warner Bros. Television has terminated Charlie Sheen’s services on Two and a Half Men effective immediately.”

It is telling that CBS did not even attempt to candy-coat the announcement and use softer language, like “We have decided to go our separate ways”, or “Even though it isn’t available we tried the drug that is Charlie Sheen, and it did in fact cause people to die, not to mention that it had the potential to melt our faces off–plus we didn’t want our children to weep over our bodies after they had exploded.”

Instead, the studio issued the unceremonious press release notifying the world that Sheen was no longer a part of the show.

“Based on the totality of Charlie Sheen’s statements, conduct and condition, CBS and Warner Bros. Television have decided to discontinue production of Two and a Half Men for the remainder of the season.”

The second part of the press release seems to suggest that the show itself might return next season, which would likely mean a new cast member. It will be a difficult act to follow, but with the massive payday waiting any potential newcomer there are bound to be people wanting the job. But who could hope to match the sheer joy that Sheen has brought us recently? Keith Richards maybe? David Hasselhoff?

For those that have missed the Sheenwreck, it is truly difficult to recap it and do it justice. It really is hard to explain when a man that was making an industry leading $2 million an episode, or $44 million a year (not counting the syndication royalties) then attacks the show’s producers and calls them maggots, or the brief stint in rehab that ended when Sheen decided that he “blinked and I cured my brain”.

Sheen recently complained that CBS was trying to ruin his family, and so he needed $3 million an episode before he would consider returning. Oh, and he also wanted a public apology for the way he was treated, and suggested that the studio should be renamed “Charlie Bros.” Perhaps he was insulted at the way the network arrogantly kept throwing money at him, or vengefully overlooked nine years of his hard partying that included an arrest after allegedly threatening his soon to be ex-wife with a gun. Not surprisingly, Warner Bros. did not seem all that willing to comply.

The actor had already vowed to take legal action against the show when the producers said that they were postponing the remainder of the season until Sheen at least pretended to be sane (not their exact words). That legal action seems to now have the added benefit of including a wrongful termination suit, which should be a joy for all of us that are curious to see what comes out of Sheen’s mouth next.

But fear not, Sheen fans, Charlie is just warming up. The now unemployed actor has already taken his battle against everybody to Twitter, where he became the fastest person alive to reach 1 million followers. He also has his own TV show of sorts, “Sheen’s Korner”, which is available online where you can receive regular doses of Charlie…while supplies last.