Wait? I hear something!
Wuzzat?! Who?s there? Where?s the microphone? Huh? Wha? Arrrrggggh! Where did that La-Z-Boy come from?
Sigh? Sorry for the technical difficulties, folks, but it seems we?ve got a serious situation here. You see, my eyeballs have exploded.
Or rather, that?s what it feels like, having basked in the 1080i, 16:9 widescreen afterglow of my shiny new Xbox 360 for roughly seven days straight. (Or was it eight? I now judge time by the hours clocked into Need for Speed: Most Wanted.)
Allow me to explain. The next-generation multimedia console hardcore gaming enthusiasts and casual audiences alike have waited years for is finally here ? and I can?t get enough. Consider the highlights of my schedule this past week: two showers, three bathroom breaks, one change of clothes, and roughly 86 hours spent sitting rapt in front of a 46? Samsung HDTV.
Ask the wife, and she?ll say I?m spending morning to night twiddling my own joystick. (She?s snarky like that? Colleagues tell me it comes from overexposure to reality.) But ask my gamertag ? an individualized user profile ? and it?ll tell you I?ve been busy restaging World War II, leaving skid marks across New York?s streets and outfoxing evil corporations.
The very fact there?s a set-top system capable of tracking one?s interactive accomplishments and awarding points ? which others may use to judge my current skill level (not very impressive, natch) ? alone blows me away. But man? Boot up Call of Duty 2, Ridge Racer 6, Perfect Dark Zero or (for all you Girls Gone Wild fans) Dead or Alive 4, and here and now might as well cease to exist.
On the one hand, I blame the machine?s pixel-perfect visuals, a step ahead of current PC technology, and speaker channel-scorching 5.1 surround sound audio capabilities. On the other, I fault the games themselves, so much more immersive than past offerings that you can practically see the smoke rising off your screen when a tank takes one in the treads.
Thus far, I?ve been so wrapped up in the unit?s solo gaming component that I haven?t even had a chance to dive into all-new Xbox Live functions, if you?d believe.
Heresy? Perhaps. I suspect that soon enough (i.e. upon unwrapping Madden NFL 06) though, the siren call of instant multiplayer matchmaking features will beckon. And, of course, should the urge to download a demo of Full Auto, additional cars/tracks, or even a trailer for an upcoming film strike, digital distribution service Marketplace always lies in wait.
But for the moment, I?m happy simply basking in the glow of my E3 2005 collector?s edition faceplate, custom-designed desktop theme (purple swirls), and the adorable panda bear picture I?ve chosen for my profile.
Rumor has it the system?s all about enjoying unique digital entertainment experiences, after all. Hence the reason, for now at least, I?m telling the rest of the nation to go pull up a curbside seat in someone else?s fantasy.
Well, that, and the fact I?ll probably kick off a movie marathon shortly, using built-in progressive-scan DVD playback functions to enjoy old favorites like Showgirls, Gigli, and Howard the Duck at epic resolutions. Judge me if you must, but ask yourself: Am I the only one using tune-swapping functions to replace Condemned: Criminal Origins? soundtrack with the collected works of Hillary Duff? Oh ho? snap! I think not.
Courtesy of streaming song and video functions, others can dance around their den in a tutu, rocking out to Yanni while watching The View re-runs for all I care. Personalization?s the name of the game, and as long as you keep your Universal Media Remote to yourself, we?re cool.
Besides, as long as we?re both armed with a wired/wireless connection, Network Adapter, and multiple Xbox 360s, you could be doing it in the next room and I wouldn?t even be aware. (Although the sound of Star Jones giggling like she just found a six-pack of super-size Butterfinger bars in her purse might give it away.) Ah, the joy of accessing random multimedia content simultaneously from one home network using today?s top gaming system? it?s a beautiful thing.
Then again, in retrospect, perhaps not as pretty as the pictures you can also retrieve from your digital camera, PDA or desktop (and turn into vibrant slideshows) via WiFi or USB connection. Or, for that matter, the spunky video footage you?ll get from primetime TV shows streamed into any room of the home via a Windows XP Media Center Edition PC.
That said, someone remind me: As soon as my vision clears, I need to record Welcome to Mooseport in high-def, then stage a family screening while fast-forwarding through the crappy parts. Sorry? come again? Oh? OK, so maybe I?ll just skip right to the credits.
Whatever? Here?s the point I?m getting at. Thanks to the Xbox 360, it?s my world, and I can decide how I want to play in it.
Now if I could just stop mistaking the shredder for a wireless gamepad?
– Scott Steinberg
