Most people treat White Elephant gift exchanges as an excuse to re-gift unopened presents and offload unwanted junk, but they’re a lot more fun if you put in the extra effort to cause trouble. Trust us — we’ve caused a stir at the DT holiday party a few times. So to help you make a splash at your holiday party this year, we’ve put together this quick list of the best White Elephant gift ideas the world has ever seen. Enjoy!
These things are brilliant. They’re customizable masks made from an elastic fabric and designed to slip over your head. You can put anybody’s face on them, and then wear that face over your own face. It’s freakishly hilarious, and guaranteed to make all your coworkers piss their pants in laughter — especially if you can manage to make one of your boss’s face.
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The funny thing about giving a live animal is that you’re basically gifting the unwanted burden of having to care for a pet. Don’t punk out and get a hamster or a goldfish, either — that’s too easy. If you want to make this memorable, I suggest giving something along the lines of a free-range chicken, a parrot that squawks profanities, or a wild Atlantic salmon (in a tank, of course).
Questionably legal fireworks
The great thing about living in America is that everything is for sale all the time — including fireworks. Even if your state’s laws prohibit online ordering and out-of-state imports, you can usually get your hands on some roman candles over state lines — and with the right amount of rum-spiked eggnog, your giftee will hopefully start to think it’s a good idea to light a few of them off in the parking lot.
The Holiday fun pack
Ingredients: One 40 oz Old English, One pack of Marlboro cigarettes, some Magnum condoms, a fistful of bottle rockets, one pack of powdered donuts, a miniature American flag, and a roll of duct tape.
Instructions: Duct tape all ingredients together as haphazardly as you possibly can, and wrap it in a wet paper sack. Despite the crappy presentation, this gift is always a crowd pleaser. People will fight over it, and it’ll help you identify the fun people in your office.
Despite the fact that it’s a few years old, the Shakeweight is still one of the best gag gifts money can buy. Why? Because this ridiculous “exercise device” makes anybody using it look like they’re training for the 2016 Handjob Olympics. You’ll want to have your phone ready to record the “test run” that will inevitably take place after Doug from Accounting has too much peppermint schnapps.
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