Well break out the confetti and your fun-time clothes, because it is Twitter’s freaking IPO day everyone! This is a moment we’ve been waiting for, what the Internet has long been building to. All those tweets, favorites, and retweets, finally amounting to something that we can all, as a collective Web community, be a part of and have a hand in. Today is more magical than Christmas or your birthday; more special than a unicorn; sweeter than a child’s first laugh!
Just kidding, it’s none of those things, and just because you like using Twitter and actively take part in this thing we know as the Internet doesn’t mean you have to walk around today pretending like you care. For the vast majority of us – even those of us who are very, very wrapped into the social network – Twitter’s IPO does not mean much. And you don’t have to listen to all those articles and pundits telling you otherwise.
Luckily, I have got the game for you! If you plan on using Twitter today or even just watching the local news tonight, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be much ado made about the IPO hype. And in order to make it all a little more interesting, I propose a drinking game of sorts. Break out the goes-down-easy vodka or some light beers and a healthy knowledge of when you’ve had enough. Let’s do this.
For every bald white guy you can spot in this picture from the Twitter IPO, take a shot.
For every newscaster says “hashtag: stock market!” or “hashtag: Wall Street!” take a shot.
For every article that says “What Twitter’s IPO means to/for [fill in the blank here],” take a shot.
— Xolani Gwala (@gwalax) November 7, 2013
— billboardbiz (@billboardbiz) November 7, 2013
For every humblebrag about being a Twitter investor, take a shot.
— Kevin Rose (@kevinrose) November 7, 2013
For each time you see some variation of this picture, take a shot.
For each superfluous article about Jack Dorsey’s haircut or the 10 best songs to celebrate the IPO to, take a shot.
— Mathew Ingram (@mathewi) November 7, 2013
For every live blog, take a shot.