Explain Yourself! Sony Vaio F Series

Explain Yourself: Jeff’s Sony Vaio F Series

Explain yourself! corners the worst tech in our lives and demands to know: WTF?! This week: The dreaded Sony Vaio F Series, a lap-scorching behemoth that has plagued mobile editor Jeff Van Camp for years.

Oh … Jeff. Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. I remember our first meeting like it was yesterday (and it often is, because my onscreen clock constantly resets itself). 

It was April 2010 when I spotted him. I had been sitting on a shelf at Best Buy for weeks, watching a bunch of wannabe computers come and go. I spent most of my days taunting the MacBooks across the aisle. Damn Apple computers think they’re so cool just because they get their own section of the store. 

Anyway, I could see this scrawny guy looking around with numbers in his eyes, checking out every yellow Spec card in the department, hunting for his dream when he saw me. I wasn’t a looker, but my numbers were something to behold: A Core i7, 6GB of DDR2 RAM, a 1080p screen, a 500GB hard drive, a 1GB Nvidia GeForce 330M graphics card, a Blu-ray/DVD-ripper combo drive, an HDMI port, and one of them fancy island-style keyboards like the MacBooks (screw you Macs!). You could have squeegeed the anticipation off his eyes. My price tag was well north of a thousand bucks, but he wanted me, and he was just the kind of idiot that would go way over budget to get what he wanted.

Our relationship started out strong. He set me on a desk and I whirred the day away with the airplane exhaust fan Sony had installed inside me. After a few months he started traveling and things got tense. He realized that I didn’t get half of the 4-hour battery life those Best Buy basterds said I got and my fans were so loud that he had to wear headphones just to hear his music. So he’d drag my enormous power supply around with him. But hell, my tiny six-cell battery liked the juice. It felt good!

The real fallout came when Jeff started trying to use me as a laptop and put me … you know … on his lap. He soon discovered what he would have known if he would have checked my warning labels: I’m one hot bitch! The bottom of my chassis actually gets so hot that it can sear human flesh. That’s on the label, too! It says I’ll burn you, and I will! I made sure to delete it from his inbox so he never knew, but I was even recalled a couple months after he bought me. Oh yeah. I’m pretty proud of this: The Consumer Product Safety Commission Protection said I’m a burning hazard

These days, I don’t get much action. Jeff tries to ignore me, but I’ve got his entire music collection and all those episodes of Friends he downloaded in college. He can’t leave me. I’m too important. And he can’t afford to buy anyone else. All he can do is yell and sigh in defeat every time I overheat and shut down (I do that now). And I don’t give a shit. There’s no way I was gonna spend my days in a recall pile. No. Goddamn. Way.

I have no regrets. YOLO, bitches!

The views expressed here are solely those of the author and do not reflect the beliefs of Digital Trends.


I'm canceling my backlog for Apex Legends. Be back never

Live service games like Fortnite and Apex Legends are eating up everyone's time, leaving other games out in the cold. While my backlog continues to grow, it seems the gaming industry is struggling to keep up as well.

Decades-old Apple IIe computer found in dad’s attic, and it still works

A New York law professor went viral last weekend after he discovered an old Apple IIe computer sitting in his dad's attic. In a series of tweets, he showed that the vintage machine still works perfectly fine after 30 years.
Home Theater

The best movies on Netflix in December, from 'Buster Scruggs’ to 'Roma'

Save yourself from hours wasted scrolling through Netflix's massive library by checking out our picks for the streamer's best movies available right now, whether you're into explosive action, witty humor, or anything else.
Product Review

The Division 2 feels more like a revision, but fans will love it

If the private beta is any indication, The Division 2 is shaping up to be a better version of the original, rather than a brand-new experience. That said, the game is looking quite great.

Microsoft's latest Surface Laptop 2 runs past the updated MacBook Air

Apple recently updated its venerably MacBook Air, giving it a sleeker and more modern design. That pits it against the Surface Laptop 2, Microsoft's update of its own traditional laptop.

From Air to Pro, here are the best MacBook deals for February 2019

If you’re in the market for a new Apple laptop, let us make your work a little easier: We hunted down the best up-to-date MacBook deals available online right now from various retailers.

Need a free alternative to Adobe Illustrator? Here are our favorites

Photoshop and other commercial tools can be expensive, but drawing software doesn't need to be. The best free drawing software is just as powerful as some of the more expensive offerings.

Here's what you need to play games and watch movies in 4K on your PC

4K display tech is now cheaper than ever, but there's more to running stuff at such a high display resolution than just handing over the dough for a 4K-equipped display. Here's what you need to run 4K.

Is it worth spending more for the Surface Pro, or is the Surface Go good enough?

The Surface Go vs. Surface Pro — which is better? While the higher price tag of one might make you think it's an easy choice, a deeper dive into what each offers makes it a closer race than you might assume.

Edit, sign, append, and save with six of the best PDF editors

Though there are plenty of PDF editors to be had online, finding a solution with the tools you need can be tough. Here are the best PDF editors for your editing needs, no matter your budget or OS.

Why limit yourself to one OS? Try one of these great virtual machine apps

Buying a new computer just because you want to utilize another operating system isn't necessary. Just use the best virtual machine applications to emulate one OS inside another, no matter what your platform or budget is.

Between Intel and AMD, these are the best gaming CPUs at every price

What are the best processors for gaming you can buy? You don't need to spend a fortune to get an amazing gaming CPU and now that AMD is competitive again, there are more choices than ever.

Rid yourself of website notification requests in just a few easy steps

Wish you knew how to block browser and website notifications? You can do it on a case by case basis, but that can become dull after the 10th site has asked for your approval. Here's how to block them outright.

Don't take your provider's word for it. Here's how to test your internet speed

If you're worried that you aren't getting the most from your internet package, speed tests are a great way to find out what your real connection is capable of. Here are the best internet speed tests available today.