Aziz Ansari and Jimmy Fallon read the worst first texts in relationship history

aziz ansari and jimmy fallon read the worst first texts in relationship history screen shot 2015 06 16 at 6 54 52 pm
The Tonight Show
For all the connectivity modern day technology is meant to have afforded us, it is clear that dating in the 21st century is every bit as bad, if not worse, than it was decades ago. Leaving aside my own disastrous experiences on Tinder, OKCupid, and other such dating apps, it seems that the relative convenience of texting as a whole has really done something terrible to the notion of romance.

During their discussion of Aziz Ansari’s newly released book “Modern Romance: An Investigation,” on Monday’s episode of The Tonight Show, comedians Ansari and Jimmy Fallon took it upon themselves to read from the book some of the worst first texts in relationship history. If you have a weak stomach, be warned — and look away.

The book explores at length the novelty of the first text, which Ansari admits, can be daunting, especially for those looking to make a grand first impression on their object of affection. But Ansari soon came to find, “It was really surprising, like, the kind of bozo texts a lot of dudes send because it seems like a really simple thing.” But simplicity has never stopped anyone from making a fool of him or herself, and Ansari asked real people to share some of their worst real first text messages from potential suitors.

“Hi Rachel,” begins one, innocuously enough, “Since I never got a chance to ask you to dance at Marissa and Chris’s wedding (I’m Chris’s old roommate from Purdue…), he and your sister gave me your number. I wanted to say hi and sort of “texty” introduce myself. Haha. :-) Hope you had a great weekend… hope to chat with you soon.”

Uncomfortable and awkward, perhaps, but nowhere near as bad as the next one: “My friend have me this number. Said a smart, pretty girl needed to be taken out to dinner? Where are you wanting to go?”

For more extreme discomfort and horror, watch the full clip, and lament the death of romance.

Mobile

The iPhone XS Battery Case's battery has a smaller capacity than previous cases

Apple has been rumored to be working on a new iPhone battery case for the iPhone XS, iPhone XS Max, and iPhone XR. Now, those new cases are finally here, offering seven hours of extra use for each iPhone and are available for $129.
Movies & TV

From premiere date to footage: Here's all we have on 'Game of Thrones' season 8

With the eighth and final season looming, Game of Thrones fever has officially become a pandemic. Our list of all the relevant news and rumors will help make the wait more bearable, if you don't mind spoilers.
Smart Home

A.I.’s humorous side: Here are the funniest things to ask Alexa

Amazon's Alexa voice assistant has a wide repertoire of funny responses, jokes, and hidden replies that you can have fun with. Here are the best funny things to ask Alexa and examples of what her responses are.
Home Theater

The best movies on Netflix in December, from 'Buster Scruggs’ to 'Roma'

Save yourself from hours wasted scrolling through Netflix's massive library by checking out our picks for the streamer's best movies available right now, whether you're into explosive action, witty humor, or anything else.
Movies & TV

The best shows on Netflix, from 'Haunting of Hill House’ to ‘Norsemen’

Looking for a new show to binge? Lucky for you, we've curated a list of the best shows on Netflix, whether you're a fan of outlandish anime, dramatic period pieces, or shows that leave you questioning what lies beyond.
Mobile

Join the Apple club with our complete guide to switching from Android to iOS

If Android simply isn’t cutting it for you anymore, then you might be considering Apple’s warm embrace. Here’s how to make the switch from Android to iOS without losing your contacts, sleep, or hair!
Mobile

Want more power, but faster? This new charging tech claims it can deliver

Chunky power bricks and slow charging could be a thing of the past with GaNFast technology from Navitas Semiconductors. By using an alternative to silicon, GaNFast reduces power consumption and boosts output.
Mobile

It’s back! Here’s how to switch to Twitter’s reverse chronological feed

Twitter has finally brought back the reverse chronological feed, allowing you to see your feed based on the newest tweets, rather than using Twitter's algorithm that shows what it thinks you want to see. It's easy to switch.
Mobile

Huawei in for a rough year as feds investigate alleged trade secrets theft

Huawei is also facing issues in the U.S., but it doesn't seem like that will end any time soon. According to a new report, the company is facing a federal investigation in the U.S. for allegedly stealing trade secrets.
Mobile

Having trouble logging in? Here’s how to reset your Apple ID password

To use any of Apple's services, you need to have an Apple ID and know your password. Thankfully, there are ways to deal with forgotten passwords and regain access to your account. Here's how to reset your Apple ID password.
Mobile

Android Q: Everything we know so far about Google’s next mobile OS

Android Pie recently rolled out, but it's already time to look ahead to Android Q, the next version of Google's mobile OS. We've seen a number of rumors and leaks come out about the operating system -- here's everything we know so far.
Mobile

Turn to these apps to help you in your next hunt for a job

Looking for a job can be a stressful experience, but these days, a simple mobile app can help you to find and apply for jobs all over the country -- here are some of the best job search apps for iOS and Android.
Wearables

Swatch and Mastercard team up for on-the-wrist, on-the-go mobile payments

Swatch has announced its Swatchpay technology is now available in Switzerland, enabling mobile payments from your Swatch watch. It works in a similar way to Apple Pay and Google Pay. Here's everything about it.
Mobile

Sony is showing something off at MWC -- will it be the Xperia XZ4?

Sony may have released the Xperia XZ3 in the past few months, but already it's preparing to release a follow-up, the Xperia XZ4. We're learning plenty about the phone now some details have started to leak out, and it's getting exciting.