Skip to main content

Seriously, a new Road House? Why Hollywood’s reboot machine must be stopped

road house reboot proves hollywood remakes must be stopped roadhouse 1989
Image used with permission by copyright holder
I held my tongue when we met the third Spider-Man in a decade. I kept quiet when the Terminator franchise got its fifth John Connor. I only grumbled quietly when the Total Recall reboot didn’t even go to Mars! But today’s news about a Road House reboot with UFC star Ronda Rousey was the breaking point. I can’t stay quiet any longer. Hollywood: Pull the plug on the reboot machine! Like, now.

It’s not that I have a problem with Rousey. She is, by all accounts, a total badass — so dominant in her field that her fights these days last about as long as it takes for the fight bell to stop ringing. And, while she may be a pretty terrible actress, you can’t blame the girl for milking her moment in the spotlight. But, here’s the thing: A Road House remake is an absolutely preposterous idea. It’s something that virtually no one (whether they realize it or not) wants to see.

The chances of a production team recapturing the lighting-in-a-bottle ‘80s magic of the original creation are next to nil.

The concept for this cinematic abomination undoubtedly came about in one of two ways. One: At an early-morning pitch meeting, a coked-out MGM VP who didn’t do his homework blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Two: A calculating penny pincher did some math and realized just how inexpensive it would be to land the talent, hack up a script, and trade off of the name recognition of a popular property. I’m just going to go with the latter, as it’s the most likely of the two scenarios, albeit still pathetic.

The primary problem here is that Road House should never have been made in the first place. The movie, which has become a cult classic, only works due to a strange alchemy of cheesy ‘80s sentimentality, guttural violence, and a rubber-tight Patrick Swayze in his prime that appealed equally to both sides of the aisle as both a sex symbol and an utterly approachable action hero. Also, he rips a guy’s throat out at the end — which is awesome.

The chances of a production team — any production team — coming anywhere near recapturing the lighting-in-a-bottle ‘80s magic of that strange creation are next to nil. Prediction: In an effort to bring in teen audiences, and be more PC, the Rousey remake will be rated PG-13. Second prediction: Whether it makes money or not, this movie will be an utter failure in the grander scheme, and forgotten as quickly as this article.

ronda-rousey
Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com

I could go off on some longer tangent about the perils of taking the easy road, the loss of any semblance of creative spark in the world of blockbusters, and how TV (didn’t you know?) is now the only true bastion for richly drawn storylines in today’s entertainment landscape. But that’s been done before, too.

And it’s not that there aren’t some sparkling properties of high imagination that can be readapted by the directorial wizards of our age to make something great – JJ Abrams, the heir apparent to Spielberg’s throne, proved that with his brilliant reimagining of the Star Trek universe (camera flares/Khan liberties and all). We’re all hoping his talents will finally bring some much-needed legitimacy back to the greatest franchise in sci-fi history, Star Wars.

For reference, here’s a list of ridiculous Hollywood reboots in the works right now, courtesy of Short List:

  • War Games
  • Porky’s
  • Overboard
  • House Party
  • Honey I Shrunk the Kids
  • The Neverending Story
  • Police Academy
  • Three Men and a Baby
  • Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (with Bieber rumored to star)

And those are just some of the worst examples.

But a few exceptions aside, the bottom line about the Road House remake, and so many others of its ilk is this: It’s a dumb idea, taken from a dumb movie that will create an even dumber new one. We’re not going to stop going to movies, the film industry isn’t going to collapse, and the end is not near for the once-great reign of silver screen imagination.

But seriously, guys, give us all a break.

Sometimes, when the idea well runs dry, you need to sit out a play or two. At the least, you’ll save yourselves some time and aggravation, and, at best, a few truckloads of cash. But most importantly, you’ll stop looking like a bunch of out-of-touch hucksters trying to make a quick buck. We love our movies. Quit screwing them up.

Ryan Waniata
Former Digital Trends Contributor
Ryan Waniata is a multi-year veteran of the digital media industry, a lover of all things tech, audio, and TV, and a…
10 best stop-motion animated movies of all time, ranked
Coraline crawls through a dark tunnel.

Stop-motion animation is one of the most creative and beloved subgenres -- and it only seems to get better with time. The greatest movies in this category showcase the hard work and artistry of the inventive minds behind these stories, which often take a long time to commit to film. Each frame is a painstakingly crafted work of art, all aimed at creating immersive worlds full of unforgettable narratives and characters.

From obscure modern classics like The Wolf House to genre-defining masterpieces like The Nightmare Before Christmas, the best stop-motion animated movies highlight the full potential of the medium to deliver complex stories alongside gorgeous and distinct visuals. The craftmanship on display in these films is a testament to the power of animation and those who boldly push the genre's boundaries to create enchanting realities.
10. James and the Giant Peach (1996)

Read more
The 50 best anime on Hulu right now
Gintama anime key art featuring Gintoki leading the supporting cast of the series.

Even when it's not the primary destination, Hulu is still easily among the best mainstream platforms to stream some of the best anime available. It's an especially great supplement for audiences already fans of the streamer's live-action originals, boasting impressive diversity in its anime offerings across film, TV, and various genres.

For customers who aren't subscribed, the Disney Bundle is more than worth consideration to back up Hulu's anime library. This package deal gives viewers countless hours of content through Disney+, ESPN+, and the base ad-supported Hulu plan. Fans will have access to all the Star Wars, Marvel Studios, National Geographic, and sports content they could hope for on top of Hulu's anime catalog.

Read more
Nuggets vs Mavericks live stream: Can you watch for free?
Nikola Jokic squares up a free throw on the court.

Luka Dončić and the Dallas Mavericks take on Nikola Jokić and the Denver Nuggets today. Playoff seeding implications aside, it's always a must-watch event whenever two of the greatest international players of all-time do battle.

This one is set to start in about one hour, at 3:30 p.m. ET, and will be televised on ABC in the United States. If you don't have cable or you're looking to finally cut the cable cord, there are a bunch of different ways you can watch a live stream of the game online.
The Best Way to Watch the Nuggets vs Mavericks Live Stream

Read more