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Can you spend a week speaking only in emojis? I wouldn’t recommend it

Even if you’re not 14, emojis have become as common in online conversation as Hitler references in YouTube comments or Michael Jordan in tears. They’re almost their own language at this point, which made me wonder: Could I spend an entire week speaking nothing but emojis? 5d460ed78992a28f0ea9d7a6b7841f91

Why emojis? I’m fascinated. As someone who is below average at learning foreign languages — currently 37 percent fluent en Español en Duolingo — I’m in awe of how The Unicode Consortium has created a globally universal standard for images. It’s not perfect — almost nothing is — but it’s close. c12cd8824abb18b7c0d4a1c5dbc32c65

Teenagers and millennials can communicate solely in emojis. I’ve seen them in their natural habitat. 262803e6595e7ab21faa1eda92bb065b878b50b77a8baf0d6c51f028ebf64de6426d5d9155c35c44e66980c4187f6bab

Are we truly ready to get by with only pictures?

Fred Benenson, along with 800 people on Amazon Mechanical Turk, translated all of Moby Dick to emojis. Don’t let the title, Emoji Dick, fool you. It’s a fascinating take on fine literature and safe for work. cbccc5495d4cf9f7bce82413c1d8ac24879aedb66e58d271891e4bc4b09b2cc2

This is old news but timely for a new discussion. A book is one thing, but are we truly ready to get by with only pictures? It worked for the Egyptians and they built pyramids. The last thing I built was my own pizza on the Domino’s app. 1cf649cf61edd92f61e7e20affdfbabea14cefbd779c19234ec2e534786bdb01

Like Matt Damon in The Martian, Tom Hanks in Castaway or the pants in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, I was ready to embark on this adventure alone. I told no one, except for my editor. The last Jeremy heard from me was a series of seemingly pointless emojis. 7f0bccb662b205850c0f5da998179bd11b6466223a829f34c11acccfc6890b462a80a079191d67b5f01e8f19eb94942d

Day one

I figured out rather quickly that emojis weren’t going to work in email. Most email clients are not equipped to handle emojis, yet they can handle Microsoft’s Clippy and Drake GIFs. So I tabled email and focused solely on texting, messaging and social media. 6fab20a11595875b34e40eb2b9654cb1

My fiancé started texting me about her day, what was bothering her, what we should do for dinner that night. I responded each time with heartfelt emojis. Surprisingly, she was not amused. 94f03e8e72647373f93d5271ee594cfb

When she got home that day I finally had to let her in on the joke. Surprisingly, she was still not amused. 94f03e8e72647373f93d5271ee594cfb94f03e8e72647373f93d5271ee594cfb

Day two

Posting to Twitter and Facebook was a breeze. All that time I had spent trying to come up with the perfect thing to say or apply to a trending hashtag could be said with fire, 100’s, trophies, keys and crying laughter faces. 878b50b77a8baf0d6c51f028ebf64de6426d5d9155c35c44e66980c4187f6babc12cd8824abb18b7c0d4a1c5dbc32c652a80a079191d67b5f01e8f19eb94942d94f03e8e72647373f93d5271ee594cfb

Day three

I was still allowed to speak on Snapchat or at the grocery store or while using Snapchat at the grocery store. So that made it easy. Emoji could only replace written communication. Verbal communication is still faster and more efficient face-to-face or face-to-Facebook Live. f869f6512b0d7187f4e475fc9aa7f250

Day four

By now, random acquaintances and colleagues had contacted me and received a bushel of handcrafted, farm-to-table emojis in return. Thirty percent responded in kind with more emojis. Fifty percent responded WTF. The other 20 percent did not respond. d71a0a0632199eacd815d249e0650ca9

Were people ready to speak solely in emojis? The signs were pointing to no. 83db65634ee3a44df3279af9634675f82d67fc4f9ed9ebe3de5e6959529f361e

Day five

I was beginning to get annoyed. Sarah, my fiancé, had stopped texting me. One of my friends told me that I had changed. Of course, I had to respond to him with a crying face, 100 and a pair of pants. bc6f71bfca5a45797cea82ac6f6b9864426d5d9155c35c44e66980c4187f6bab5decb685acab91b86588d57be5af1fea

Day six

By this time, only the people who saw me in person knew. But that was only a handful. It made me realize how rarely I’m face-to-face with the people in my network. I could have taken to live video to explain. That was a loophole but I decided against it. One day to go. I could make it. a3952facc7af4d6dfc319c22a78258c2

Day seven

As the final day ended, I couldn’t wait to write words again. That’s what I do for a living. I write words to convey emotion, context, subtext, sarcasm, desire, humor, perspective. That’s what emojis lack, still. That’s what hieroglyphics lacked. That’s why we evolved from hieroglyphics to written language. But it was still worth the gamble. 941f3d19c7c98e7a40aad992e1634f25

A poop face, fire or laughing cat can’t get you through everything.

Emojis are great punctuation. There a way to convey humor before, during or after conversation. They are great for quick back-and-forth between two friends. But like a ‘90s sitcom star delivering a PSA, I have to warn you about the dangers of emoji. f78375aaf83325460177ad46142077cf

There will come a time when you need words. Trust me. A poop face, fire or laughing cat can’t get you through everything. Also it takes way more time to search for a phone and a clock that says 11 rather than just say “phone call at 11am.” 6fab20a11595875b34e40eb2b9654cb1181509f14b17e9a9593b94d2aba8c236

The more you know. 5ad76779d653275272494ce2cf49d320