Hands on with PRSM, the PRISM parody platform – the scariest, truest satire out there

hands on getprism is the easiest way to let internet know everything about you

Imagine if PRISM were a social network – what would that be like? Well some clever devs went out of their way to make it so. Introducing PRSM – the social network that really knows you. So we’re going hands on with the hypothetical platform. 

Have you ever had one of those days when you thought, “Hmmm… I wish there were a way people could quickly find out about what sort of sites I visit on a moment-to-moment basis?” Ever feel the need to tell all your friends about the contents of your Gmail account? Are you curious about how much money your best friend and your best friend’s husband make? Want to know who’s telling what to whom? Why, all that’s super easy through PRISM, the data collection program! If you thought oversharing was a way of life on Facebook, wait till you hear about what kind of service you’ll get from this everything-in-one-package of a site that’s so efficient, a lot of companies have already secretly gotten in on the action. Let us break it down for you.

How it works

prsm not sharingThe great thing about PRISM is there’s absolutely no learning curve involved – even your non-tech-savvy, Internet-using grandparents can benefit from the service. So yes, no need to spend countless hours feigning patience over fruitless tutorial sessions with your elders about “the interwebs.” PRISM already took care of that for you behind the scenes.

The most accurate description of PRISM’s capabilities? Unlimited. It’s got the biggest data center anywhere on the planet, powerful enough to host up to five zettabytes of information. PRISM’s Titan Supercomputer is the latest in technology, capable of handling one quadrillion requests per second. With over 320 million users served (and more are catered to every second), the requests just keep coming in!

Advantages

Like I said, the pros of PRISM are limitless. Gone are the days of buffering videos on YouTube and waiting five seconds to a minute so an ad can play. PRISM promises no advertisements, no interruptions, no hassle. It’s never-ending awesomeness, all the time.

Portability is no longer an issue – PRISM works over any platform, any gadget, all day everyday. And even if you wanted it to, PRISM never misses a beat of your daily routine. It’s designed to keep track of your every single move.

google-gmail-search-results-fiAnd by every single move, I mean every. Single. Move. Every time you buy something –  whether it’s through an online shop or an in-person visit to your neighborhood WalMart – PRISM knows because it efficiently keeps an eye on your credit card activity. Every time you hit up Google for “teacup pigs” or “twerking” or “Chuck Norris movies,” PRISM records it and keeps a log of your searches for you. Same goes for every email you’ve ever received (including those in the spam folder) and every blog entry or comment you’ve ever posted on any site you’ve ever used.

Tired of having to keep track of the TV shows you’ve watched, movies and videos you’ve seen, songs you’ve heard? Want a secret backup of all the photos and videos you’ve ever uploaded online? PRISM’s  media-logging function was designed to cater to your every need and want in that department.

If you want the ability to keep digital evidence and hold it over the heads of the people who’ve wronged you, you no longer need to bother with screenshots or secret voice recording. Since PRISM works on all gadgets, it programs your smartphone to automatically listen in on every phone call and duplicate every text message sent to you. It even pinpoints your location through GPS and remembers it.

You can now cross “Facebook fatigue” off your list of social media-related ailments – PRISM collects all the data from all your social networking accounts so if you wanted to gain access to your personal information as well as your contacts’, it’s totally easy and completely pain-free. PRISM’s key partners include AOL, Apple, AT&T, Facebook, Google, Skype, and Yahoo, so rest assured that your log-in details on all these sites are kept within PRISM’s massive data center.

Disadvantages

There are none… would you believe it?

OK, maybe there are some, but as long as you’re smart about it, there’s always a way to get around roadblocks. Take for example the campaign spearheaded by Electronic Frontier Foundation, one of the organizations constantly discouraging Internet users from supporting the growing use of PRISM by some of the largest conglomerates in the technology industry as well the government. The awareness they promote sure puts a damper on the coolness and prestige connected to digital spying. It can get pretty annoying, but don’t worry: You don’t have to get involved in the cause.

Bottom line

At the end of the day, if you want to share everything important in your life, if you have the desire to be submissive to the powers of Internet spying and to flush all signs of privacy and security down the drain, you can do it by getting on PRISM and signing up today!

Oh wait, you’re already on it.

Social Media

Hangouts isn’t being hung out to dry in 2020, Google says

According to a report, Google may shut down Google Hangouts by 2020. While Hangouts was once Google's top-tier messaging app, the app has since been neglected in favor of Android Messages.
Business

How to start your online business in 6 simple steps

Making the right choices now can greatly impact your success down the line, and the last thing you want to do is spend your energy revisiting old decisions instead of growing your company.
Movies & TV

The best shows on Netflix, from 'Haunting of Hill House’ to ‘Twilight Zone’

Looking for a new show to binge? Lucky for you, we've curated a list of the best shows on Netflix, whether you're a fan of outlandish anime, dramatic period pieces, or shows that leave you questioning what lies beyond.
Home Theater

Here’s why you’re not getting Netflix in HD or 4K, and how to fix it

Are you having trouble watching your favorite movies or TV shows on Netflix in HD or 4K? We explain why loading takes so long, why the picture quality fluctuates, and what you can do about it.
Music

The best free music download sites that are totally legal

Finding music that is both free and legal to download can be difficult. We've handpicked a selection of the best free music download sites for you to legally download your next favorite album.
Social Media

Tumblr bans nudity to create ‘a safe place for creative expression’

Tumblr will soon no longer allow images with adult content. The company says the change is one that's designed to help more creators feel comfortable sharing on the platform, but admits the change won't happen overnight.
Social Media

Members can share the same Story with Facebook’s new Group Stories

Facebook Group members can now view and share Group Stories. Unlike the Stories for an individual user, the new tool allows members to contribute to the same Group Story, if the feature isn't turned off by an admin.
Social Media

You can now share saved Facebook posts with a Pinterest-like collection tool

Facebook collections can now be shared with friends if you also want to allow them to contribute to the list. Facebook is rolling out an update that allows users to add a contributor to their collections, or lists of saved Facebook posts.
Mobile

Broadway actor tells Kanye West to get off his phone during opening night

Theater actors can get understandably upset when they spot someone in the audience fiddling with their phone instead of watching the show. The other night that audience member was Kanye West, and he got called out for it.
Social Media

This event topped Facebook’s biggest moments of the year — again

As the year comes to a close, Facebook is looking back on what users discussed most over the last year. For two years in a row, International Women's Day topped the list. So what else is on the list?
Social Media

This band owns Twitter, according to list of top accounts and tweets for 2018

What was the biggest buzz on Twitter in 2018? Twitter's 2018 Year in Review highlights the biggest tweets, accounts, and hashtags. The most-tweeted celebrities, movies, TV shows, athletes, politicians and more in Twitter's 2018 trends.
Social Media

What do yodeling and Kylie Jenner have in common? YouTube’s top 2018 videos

In a true nod to the variety found on YouTube, the platform's top 10 list of videos from 2018 range from celebrities to sports, from perfectly tossing a picture frame on the wall to a kid yodeling in aisle 12 at Walmart.
Home Theater

It took Tom Cruise to raise awareness of this troublesome TV setting

Tom Cruise, in an unexpected PSA tweet, asks you to turn off motion interpolation on your TV, but stops short of how to do it. Here's more on the topic, along with links to a guide on how to rid your TV of the dreaded "soap opera effect."
Computing

Make a GIF of your favorite YouTube video with these great tools

Making a GIF from a YouTube video is easier today than ever, but choosing the right tool for the job isn't always so simple. In this guide, we'll teach you how to make a GIF from a YouTube video with our two favorite online tools.