Sick of the Twitter IPO buzz? Ease the pain with our definitive drinking game

definitive twitter ipo day drinking game everyone doesnt care beer bird

Well break out the confetti and your fun-time clothes, because it is Twitter’s freaking IPO day everyone! This is a moment we’ve been waiting for, what the Internet has long been building to. All those tweets, favorites, and retweets, finally amounting to something that we can all, as a collective Web community, be a part of and have a hand in. Today is more magical than Christmas or your birthday; more special than a unicorn; sweeter than a child’s first laugh!

Just kidding, it’s none of those things, and just because you like using Twitter and actively take part in this thing we know as the Internet doesn’t mean you have to walk around today pretending like you care. For the vast majority of us – even those of us who are very, very wrapped into the social network – Twitter’s IPO does not mean much. And you don’t have to listen to all those articles and pundits telling you otherwise.

Luckily, I have got the game for you! If you plan on using Twitter today or even just watching the local news tonight, you can bet your bottom dollar that there will be much ado made about the IPO hype. And in order to make it all a little more interesting, I propose a drinking game of sorts. Break out the goes-down-easy vodka or some light beers and a healthy knowledge of when you’ve had enough. Let’s do this.

For every bald white guy you can spot in this picture from the Twitter IPO, take a shot.

twitter ipo

For every newscaster says “hashtag: stock market!” or “hashtag: Wall Street!” take a shot.

…or that. 

For every article that says “What Twitter’s IPO means to/for [fill in the blank here],” take a shot.

For every humblebrag about being a Twitter investor, take a shot.

For each time you see some variation of this picture, take a shot.

ebd twitter

For each superfluous article about Jack Dorsey’s haircut or the 10 best songs to celebrate the IPO to, take a shot.

For every live blog, take a shot.

twitter liveblog
Emerging Tech

Awesome Tech You Can’t Buy Yet: Grow veggies indoors and shower more efficiently

Check out our roundup of the best new crowdfunding projects and product announcements that hit the web this week. You may not be able to buy this stuff yet, but it sure is fun to gawk!
Movies & TV

J.J. Abrams wraps production on Star Wars: Episode IX with a heartfelt message

Star Wars: The Force Awakens director J.J. Abrams has wrapped production on Star Wars: Episode IX, which he directed and co-wrote. Here's everything we know about the movie before it premieres in December 2019.
Mobile

Need a date for Valentine's Day? Cozy up with the best dating apps of 2019

Everyone knows online dating can be stressful, time-consuming, and downright awful. Check out our top picks for the best dating apps, so you can streamline the process and find the right date, whatever you're looking for.
Computing

These 30 useful apps are absolutely essential for Mac lovers

There are literally hundreds of thousands of great software programs compatible with MacOS, but which should you download? Look no further than our list of the best Mac apps you can find.
Social Media

Periscope tool adds guests to feeds so streamers can become talk show hosts

Periscope users can now invite viewers to chime into the conversation with more than just the comment tool. By enabling the option to add guests, livestreamers can add guests to the conversation, in audio format only.
Photography

Crouching, climbing, and creeping, the perfect Instagram shot knows no bounds

Just how far will you go for the perfect Instagram? A recent survey shows just how willing Instagram users -- and Instagram husbands -- are to climb, lie down, embarrass themselves or let their food go cold for the perfect shot.
Social Media

Facebook’s long-promised ‘unsend’ feature arrives. Here’s how to use it

Send a message to the wrong person? Messenger now gives you 10 minutes to take it back. After an update beginning to roll out today, users can now retract messages if they act within the first 10 minutes after sending the message.
Social Media

YouTube boss admits even her own kids gave the ‘Rewind’ video a thumbs down

YouTube's 2018 Rewind video went down like a lead balloon at the end of last year, becoming the most disliked video in its history. And now YouTube's CEO has admitted that even her own kids thought it was pretty darn awful.
Social Media

Snapchat finally recovers from its redesign — so here comes an Android update

Snapchat's drop in users after launching a controversial redesign has finally stagnated. During the fourth quarter and 2018 earnings report, Snapchat shared that the company is rolling out an Android update designed to increase performance.
Social Media

Skype’s new ‘blur background’ feature could help keep you from blushing

Skype's latest feature for desktop lets you blur your background during video calls. The idea is that it keeps you as the focus instead of distracting others with whatever embarrassing things you might have on show behind you.
Social Media

Twitter users are declining but more people are seeing ads every day

Twitter's end-of-the-year report for 2018 is a mix of good and bad news. The good news is that more users are seeing adds daily, the metric the company will focus on moving forward. But the bad news is that monthly active users are…
Web

Switch up your Reddit routine with these interesting, inspiring, and zany subs

So you've just joined the wonderful world of Reddit and want to explore it. With so many subreddits, however, navigating the "front page of the internet" can be daunting. Here are some of the best subreddits to get you started.
Computing

YouTube beats Apple, Netflix as the most trusted brand by millennials

The popular video sharing website YouTube climbed up in an annual Mblm study, moving up from third place in 2018 and coming ahead of both Apple and Netflix in final 2019 rankings. 
Social Media

LinkedIn finally gets around to launching its own live video tool

Live video is coming to LinkedIn for businesses and individuals on the site. The livestreaming feature is launching in beta in the U.S. before rolling out to the entire community.